Fractured
by Taran-Wanderer
Summary: On hiatus. All the pieces of Lily's life and how they fit together. A series of interconnected anecdotes that follow the lives of the older generation, particularly Lily and her changing relationships. Mostly canon LE/SS at first, later LE/JP.
1. Falling

Falling

1966

Lily had been magic since the moment she was born. Her birth had been the most tranquil St. Vincent's Hospital had ever seen, the infant Lily smiled the moment she was held, her vibrant red hair - nearly blood red - had shocked the delivery room nurses.

She was a fairly normal child with only small events of magic that set her parents wondering. Her mother noticed that flowers left in her youngest daughter's room never wilted, and once she was capable of moving about on her own, her father realized that whenever things went missing about the house, Lily would always be the one to find them.

Her life at school was another matter. When she was five, she joined her sister at Our Lady of Grace, the local catholic girl's school. There, Lily stood out immediately to the nuns. The dress code was a dismal scale of grays and Lily's wavy red hair, which now reached her waist, stood out like a sore thumb. Her teacher, Sister Bernadine, particularly found Lily's presence unfavorable, almost immediately targeting her for her most strict punishments and harshest criticism.

She made her stand in the corner at the slightest noise during class, she kept her in during breaks to clean the blackboards and she warned the other children against befriending her. But it was Lily's hair that truly upset Sister Bernadine. "Red is the devil's color," she would tell a terrified Lily when they were alone. And after being held after on the first day of class, she warned Lily while snipping up a newspaper with alarmingly sharp and shinny shears that if her hair wasn't kept in strict braids at school, she would cut it all off at the nape of Lily's neck.

Lily, who naturally had a mellow disposition, tried her hardest to fit in at Our Lady, even if she absolutely hated it. She silently withstood Sister Bernadine's treatment, and timidly tried to make friends with her classmates, but often to no avail. The other children began calling her names inspired by Bernadine's attacks, their favorite being 'witch,' and as the year passed, Lily felt more and more isolated. Petunia was her only friend, but being two years older and having her own group of friends, she could only spend so much time with her ostracized younger sister.

So Lily became accustomed to spending her time alone and experimenting with the little tricks her sister reprimanded her for practicing, even if they were the only two who knew she did them.

But then one day, while being teased out in the yard during break, Rebecca Wiles, her most enthusiastic bully, grabbed hold of both her braid and yanked her around by her hair. The yellow ribbons tying off her braids came out in Rebecca's hands and Lily's curls unraveled from their pleats. Upon the class' return, Lily's hair was still undone; she didn't know how to braid, her mother usually did it for her, and Petunia was nowhere in sight to fix it for her.

Lily tried to slip into class unnoticed, but Sister Bernadine's eyes locked onto Lily like a magnet the moment she stepped through the door. She stormed through the throng of girls and dragged Lily to the front of the classroom by the scruff of her neck. She opened her desk drawer pulling out her silver shears and grabbed Lily's hair roughly in a fist on top of her head. Lily, whose body had begun to tingle the moment she saw the shears felt something building up inside of her she couldn't control.

Though she wasn't fond of the torment from her classmates her for her dark red locks, secretly she loved the color of her hair. Her mother always told her it was beautiful while she brushed it out and braided it, and her father liked to joke about how easy it was to find her in a crowd. Petunia frequently called it strange, but always in the voice she used when she was hiding her envy poorly. But most of all, Lily liked it because it made her feel that her different insides were reflected on the outside too. It made her feel special, like maybe her strangeness was part of something bigger.

So while her body was flooding with panic so intense her vision blurred, two things happened that Lily couldn't quite explain later. A shriek escaped Sister Bernadine's throat as her hand suddenly released Lily's hair, dropping Lily to the floor. A blistering burn scalded her hand where it had touched Lily's hair. And the shears that had so terrified Lily went flying out of her hands, embedding themselves to the hilt in the ceiling.

The silence in the room was deafening as all eyes turned to Lily, wide eyed and sprawled out on the floor.

Things after that were blurred for Lily. She remembered her parents being called in and a very serious conversation being held over her head in the headmaster's office. She remembered the words 'Dangerous' and 'Disturbed' and by the end of the conversation, her mother was in tears. Most of all, she remembered the horrible grin that spread across Sister Bernadine's face as she bid her 'goodbye forever.'

There was a long car ride after that, longer than the drive that normally brought her from school to home, and in the front seat her parents argued back and forth while Petunia, who had been taken from class, repeated over and over that there was nothing wrong, that Lily was normal, all the while holding tightly to Lily in the back seat.

The car stopped at a big imposing building after a drive through the country. It was all white, as were the dresses of the nurses who stood by while men in uniforms pried her her screaming sister off of her and carried her through the door. She passively allowed them to do so, to scared and hurt to resist, and instead hung completely limp like a rag doll in the orderly's arms. Above the door a sign read Avery Hills Sanitarium.

Things there were always fuzzy. Doctors who never looked her in the eye asked her what had happened and how it made her feel in a voice that betrayed it made no difference, and at all times of the days she was given pills and shots that made her head fuzzy. Sometimes she would wake up in a room she didn't remember entering, her muscles sore and her brain frazzled. When she complained to the nurses, they would rub her arm sympathetically and tell her that those were the side effects of ECT. Lily had no idea what that meant and it scared her horribly that there was something being done to her she had no knowledge of.

She had no idea how long she was there either, and she sometimes couldn't remember how she'd gotten to Avery Hills. Scarier still, she was forgetting where she was before she came to Avery Hills; before the whitewashed walls and stoic nurses. But one day her parents came and their pale faces told her whatever change they had expected to overtake her wasn't the one they got. There was more fighting, this time with the doctors, and then she was in the family car again, speeding home.

The first few months home were patchy and distant. Her sister's hair which had been cropped at her chin when she had last seen her, now hung down to her shoulders. She had trouble remembering things she used to know, like their home address and the names and faces of their neighbors. Sometimes she would wake up with no memory of the day before, but her mother was infinitely patient and spent everyday with Lily; baking, playing, and brushing her hair. When her father came home, he would put her on his knee and let her pick what television show to watch. Suddenly Lily was a very precious child to both of her parents.

Petunia too tried to help in her own way. She had switched schools and taught Lily what she learned in class everyday after she came home. The first few months back from Avery Hill, Lily was slow in learning and often quiet. But after six months at home, Lily was back to her usual perky self and caught on fast to Petunia's lessons.

Not long after Lily returned to herself, Petunia caught her standing her pencil up on it's sharpened point and panicked. "You can't do that Lily! You have to be normal, or they'll send you back! Is that what you want?"

Though Lily had no clear memory of the sanitarium, she could still remember a feeling of complete abandonment, of infinite confusion and terribly lonliness. She shook her head. "No, Tuney, I don't want to go back!" She may not know what 'back' meant, but Petunia had said it with enough venom to embed the point.

"Then promise me you won't ever do this again." Petunia, whose eyes were brimming with tears, struck an imposing figure, holding the pencil in one tightly clenched fist and shaking it in Lily's face.

"I promise," Lily assured her sister. But she had lied.

From then on, Lily was home schooled by her mother in the mornings and allowed free reign of the house and the neighborhood in the afternoon. Outside, hiding in the bushes or under the covers at night, she would make clovers float, and needles spin around in the palm of her hands.

Occasionally her sister caught her, and would react with fear and anger, but Lily knew that there was something bigger inside of her than floating clovers or spinning needles, and the only way to discover it was to practice.


	2. Friend

Friend

1969

The summer sun was scorching the grassy yard of the mill town park, and the stifling heat of July offered nine-year-old Severus Snape little sanctuary from his perpetually fighting parents. Though to him, summer was always infinitely better than winter when there was no reprieve from their rows. In the bitter cold of the winter months, he was left with no option but to lock himself in his room and ignore the yells, sobs, and crashes that drifted up through the floorboards. However the summer sunlight did little for his appearance, bringing to light the full contrast between the green and purple three day old welt under his eye and his pale skin. Walking to the park, he tried his best to stay in the shadows and avoid the looks of the families and children passing him by.

Making himself comfortable amongst the shaded bushes outside the playground, hidden from view, Severus couldn't stop the swell of frustration that boiled inside him. His mother was a witch, a being infinitely more powerful than his drunkard father, and yet not once had she used her magic to protect herself or her son from the man's brutal attacks. It made no sense to him, for surely if he had a wand, Tobias Snape would pay for his crimes against them tenfold.

But instead his mother locked away her spell books, hid away every magical relic, and fell out of touch with the magical world completely, all casualties in the war against her husband.

Only after Tobias had passed out after an intense night of violence and shouts, as Severus' mother disdainfully wiped the blood from her young child's face would she whisper to him secrets of the world she left behind; promises of Hogwarts, and magic, and the wealthy wizarding aristocracy long lost to her. And Severus, pummeled and raw would listen in awe of the possibilities of the future of a castle to call his home, a Slytherin house full of friends, and the rushing tingle of magic as it whooshed through his body.

The first time he had used magic had been when he was seven. His father, who had previously reserved his violence for his wife, suddenly deemed Severus old enough to receive a sound beating. It was the first time Severus had gotten anything more than a few slaps or a solid push, and his father was well past a state of coherency.

Tobias had one large hand wrapped around his neck and used his handhold to shake the boy in his mother's direction. "You trapped me here!" he would shout at her, "You hatched this ugly rat and now we're stuck like this forever!" Through his own choking and gasping for air, Severus tried to plead with his mother to save him, but she was too busy screaming back at his father to hear her son's cries.

Just as Severus was beginning to feel his limbs go numb and his vision begin to tunnel to black, his mind grasped at one solid thought: _Stop_.

The hand on his neck loosened and he dropped to the floor, the sudden rush of oxygen sending a wave of relief through his body as he hacked and coughed. But the room had turned eerily silent, and as he turned to look fearfully at his father to determine whether he needed to scamper away, Severus met a expression of terror, a silent scream upon his father's face as two thin red trails of blood dripped out of his nose and down his chin. Severus stared in morbid fascination at an expression he had never seen upon his father's face, one that fed some dark place inside of him with satisfaction.

His mother's shriek broke the silence and jolted Severus out of his calculated study, breaking the spell he had been unaware of casting. His father keeled over onto the ground shaking and breathing hard. Both pairs of adult eyes turned to Severus, horror and shock written across their faces.

Silently Severus stood up, stiffly strode past his father, and stumbled up the stairs to his bedroom where he barred the door with a broken chair and stood stock still in the middle of his bare room.

_Magic. _He'd just done _magic_. The look in his parents eyes only confirmed what he'd known all along despite his mother's weaknesses; magic made him _powerful_, that the strength of magic could rival - no, it could _beat_ - the strength of fists. He was capable of more than his father could ever dream of, he just had to wait him out.

After that incident, his father drank more and was home less. Sober he had the sense to stay away from Severus, but when he drank, he would push his son to the point of retaliation. For it was only at the absolute breaking point that Severus would feel the tingle of magic seep through his bones, and the rush of power as he watched his father suffer. To him, the ecstasy brought on by the surge of his magic was incontrovertibly linked to the pain he could make his enemies suffer.

While his budding magic gave him some comfort at home, it only separated him further from the children of the town. His mother refused to enroll him in muggle school and his fathers reputation as a drunkard had circulated through most of the families around Spinner's end. The local children were apt to point out his odd clothes, long hair, and bedraggled, clearly neglected appearance. Overall he was ostracized from the other children, and in return for their steadfast hatred of him, he comforted himself by thinking how superior he was to them as any wizard must be to muggles.

It was for those reasons that he generally avoided the local playground, as in that place, it tended to stand out most exactly how different he was from the happy, well-fed and dressed children who populated the playground. Instead he would watch them jealously from the trees and bushes surrounding the park, pretending that he didn't want so desperately to be a part of the fun.

It was during such observances that he first saw, or rather took notice of Lily Evans. He had seen her at the park a hundred times before, usually accompanied by a sour faced blonde girl, and had thought little of her except to note the vibrancy of her red hair and green eyes, and to think (in a generally apathetic and calculating way) that it made her rather striking amongst her peers, even as a nine-year-old. That fact only made him resent her more, the gap between she and him so big. She also, he had noted, was rather separated from the rest of the children as well, more interested in observing the flowers or swinging by herself while lost in thought than joining in with any games. She reserved most of her conversation for the blonde girl who he eventually deduced was her sister.

One late June day, he sat in the bushes picking at the leaves and grass, only halfheartedly observing the playground. He was beginning to grow bored with his usual watch, and as he had recently stolen his mother's old school books from the attic, was debating whether he should find a more secluded location to look over those.

It was later in the evening and most of the park had cleared out except for the two sisters who were readying themselves to leave as well. Very near the bushes Severus hid inside, the blonde sister was bent over, refastening her sandals as her red haired sister swayed thoughtfully at her side and studied the sky. Severus, who was pulling up grass behind the bushes and mentally preparing himself for the return trip home, would have missed it if a shriek of "Lily, stop it!" hadn't startled him out of his own day dreams to look up.

Petunia was looking up at the sky and shaking her sister, who was smiling in a bemused sort of way. Snape followed her gaze skyward to see a patch of clouds that had taken on the unmistakable form of rose, the petals pulling open as it bloomed. A moment later, the elegant form dissipated just a little too quickly back into a generic, formless cloud shape. It all happened so fast Severus could hardly get a handle on what he had just seen. The girls' conversation drifted over to him and he listened eagerly.

"Lily!" the blonde girl hysterically whispered, "You have to stop doing that!"

"I didn't know if I could do it, I just thought I should try." Lily looked thoughtful up at the sky and smiled, clearly delighted with her new found skill.

"Well stop trying then! Or I'll tell Mum!" Lily whipped her head to face a her sister, a worried look crinkling her brow.

"I'm sorry, Tuney..." she answered softly.

Their conversation drifted away as they walked home, leaving Severus alone to contemplate what he had just seen. Surely it was magic; she had willed it to happen and it did. That was exactly the strategy he had been practicing against his father's brutality. But her's was such a quiet, beautiful little bit of magic, especially compared to his violent outbursts against his father.

A shiver of excitement ran up Severus' spine as realization set in.

She was a _witch_! She must be, there was no other explanation.

Suddenly he felt so much less lonely knowing there was another of his kind trapped amongst the mills of Spinner's End. His mother had told him once that sometimes muggles gave birth to magical children, and that they tainted the blood lines of aristocratic wizarding families, but surely a little witch as lovely as the redhead couldn't taint anything with her beautiful magic. Even if she was born from muggle parents, she wasn't one of them.

No, she wasn't a muggle at all. She was just like_ him_!

He knew he had to talk to her, a feat he hadn't risked with any other children in years, but he knew, he just _knew_ that _she_ would understand. She had magic inside of her too, and she wouldn't push him aside like all the other children, or scorn him for his appearance. He could finally make a friend.

But he had to wait for the right moment. He would want to do some more careful observing to make sure he wasn't mistaken, and then he would tell her what she was and together they could marvel at their superiority.

_Together_.

He floated home, and no amount of drunken yelling, or tense silences could dampen his mood for he knew now that he would never _ever_ be alone in Spinner's End again.


	3. Facade

Facade

1973

As three of only four first year Gryffindor boys; James, Sirius, and Peter became close fast. Remus preferred to remain aloof and somewhat distant as his eleven years as a threat to society had taught him to. But cramped together in the dorms, spending every waking moment together eating, working in class and sleeping, not to mention James' particularly engulfing personality; it all made it rather difficult for Remus to keep to himself. Besides, while a lifetime of experiences warned him that friendship was an impossibility, he couldn't help but relish every moment spent as a normal eleven year old wizard attending Hogwarts and passing his time with classmates.

However, once every month he was painfully reminded just how _abnormal_ he was. But despite his valiant effort to keep his roommates at bay, the boys weren't so easily fooled. All of them had grown up in pureblood families completely immersed in the magical world. This, combined with their rather invasive curiosity, led them to start putting the pieces of the puzzle together on the long nights of Lupin's absences.

By Spring of their first year, they confronted him as he returned after another full moon bruised and scratched, clearly not the symptoms of someone spending the night sick in bed. He was terrified, positive that they would rush to tell everyone he was a monster, and he'd be sent home after the most amazingly normal seven months of his life. He reluctantly confessed that their suspicions were correct, mentally preparing himself for the look of horror that usually accompanied this discussion. Instead, he was met with three pairs of wide, fascinated eyes. They weren't disgusted but impressed and endlessly curious, and Remus, for the first time since he was bitten, felt less than disgusted with his lycanthropy. That night they asked him a hundred questions, some absurd and some terrifyingly close to home, but he answered them all honestly and the four dorm mates felt their tentative friendship morph into something unbreakable as the bonds of a secret melded them together.

Two years after his confession, Remus' new found friends successfully mastered the animagus spell and suddenly, his monthly lupine excursions were less excruciating. He was more himself with every moon, even as the beast inside of him ravaged his body. While secretly Remus suspected the Marauders didn't fully grasp the gravity of his situation or the danger they put themselves and others in by gallivanting about with a werewolf, he was far too grateful for their company to every speak his worries aloud.

No, he was perfectly content allowing himself to be washed away in the tide of adventure that James and Sirius seemed to be surrounded in, because now, finally, he wasn't alone.

School became infinitely more manageable with friends who protected his secret like it was a treasure. In fact, it was their presence and encouragements that allowed him to open up to other students, in particular, Lily Evans.

Lily was easy enough to be friends with. Amongst the Gryffindor students their year, Lupin and she were clearly the two most levelheaded students, both hovering above the minor dramas that plagued their friends. She spent much of her time immersed in books, something he was also fond of but the marauders greatly ignored.

It wasn't long into first year that Lily had noticed it was always the two of them up late in the common room over books, and she had approached him and asked if they might study together. Initially wary of her, afraid to get to close to anyone who might notice his absences, he refused her. But as months with the Marauders loosened him up, he slowly warmed up to the idea as her intelligent comments and infectious laughter wore down his reserve.

While she spent most of her time before curfew with her Slytherin friend Snape, she spent most nights in the common room with Remus. When she officially joined the 'Stay at Hogwarts for the Holidays' club their second year, he spent a few Christmas' in her company. Apparently her first Christmas after she began at Hogwarts, she had a row with her sister that had ended with a very green skinned sister and a Ministry warning for underage magic. After that she had thought it wise to keep as much distance between her sister and her as possible, though Remus suspected her willingness to stay at Hogwarts for the holidays had much more to do with Severus than thoughts of confronting her sister.

Overall she was good company to keep. To Remus, she always seemed older than she was; patient, infinitely kind, and most notably never prying about his monthly absences though surely she had noticed them. Instead of questioning him upon his return looking haggard and worn, she would fill him in on the assignments he'd missed, beat the Marauders off of him while he studied to catch up (which he was secretly thankful for), and sneakily pile more food on his plate during meals when she thought he wasn't looking.

The only trouble was she despised the marauders with every fiber of her being. He could hardly blame her either, as they were an endless source of torture for her and Severus. The nights the boys hung about, when he went exploring with them or sat joking in the common room together, she sat apart from them, more content alone or with her dorm mates than in the Marauder's company. He understood and didn't begrudge her this fact, but he couldn't help but think that if she got to know them, she'd like them too. There was something about her that reminded him very much of James, something inside of her that seemed to radiate out and attract people like moths to a flame.

So it made perfect sense to him that James, during their second year, had announced to the Marauders in their dorm that he was beginning to notice Lily as a _girl _and that he officially had dibs. It was after this revelation that James and Sirius really began to lay into Snape. Remus was all to aware of the fact that Severus Snape was the most likely competition James had, despite their polar characteristics. Lily, however, wanted nothing to do with James, and oddly, Lupin felt a strange relief from her constant rebuffs of James' advances.

While Remus never tried particularly hard to stop James and Sirius from tormenting Snape, he was crushed by the guilt of knowing what it felt like to be mercilessly bullied for being an outsider. He felt himself a coward for never speaking his mind for fear of loosing his first and only true friends, but the guilt never outweighed the fear.

Lily never held it against him however, but the strange, quiet understanding looks that she would give him after a fight with Snape only made him feel worse.

By third year, it was common place for Lily and him to sit together late into the night working on homework, and since James, Peter and Sirius were the kind of students who did their homework last minute and greatly aided by Lupin's well thought out answers, they were left to their own study session while the others stirred up trouble elsewhere.

They were struggling through a Transfiguration essay late one Spring while the common room slowly cleared out, leaving them mostly to themselves at a table near the windows. The sky outside was clear and crisp as the last of winter was finally melting away and the warmth of summer was approaching.

The clear sky offered Remus little satisfaction however, as the nearly full moon taunted him through the windowpane. He could feel the wild inside of himself, nearly full to the brim, and tomorrow it would burst forth and he'd prowl the dark grounds as a beast again, leaving the quiet student behind to become a monster, all raw nerves and energy.

Turning back to his half finished essay, he forced himself to concentrate. Tomorrow he'd have to leave class early to check in with Madame Pomfrey before the moon, and if he didn't finish this essay now, he'd have to finish it in the hospital wing after a very long night. But try as he might, he simply couldn't stay on task. It was always hard to focus the day before the full moon. He could feel the blood rushing through his veins, his heart beating unevenly in his chest, and his bones ached in preparation of the morph and shift they'd undertake tomorrow.

Lily quietly sighed next to him and he watched her brow furrow under her fringe of red hair. She was skimming a passage from their class book, her finger following her line of sight along the text, her frown deepening as she progressed, until she rapped her fingers against the page in frustration and started from the beginning again.

Remus was about to pry his attention away from her when she suddenly huffed in frustration and threw down her quill, letting her head fall back. "I _hate_ transfiguration," she said through her hands as she rubbed tiredly at her eyes.

"That's because it's the only class you have to study at." Honestly he felt it was only fair she struggle with something, considering how easily everything else seemed to come to her; classwork, making friends, charming all of the professors. Besides, her frustrated expression was attractive.

She turned her head to give him a deadpan look and asked "Are you going to help me or not?"

He glanced down at his essay. It was only half as long as it was supposed to be, mostly rubbish interspersed with carefully reworded passages from the book. "I'm afraid I'm just as stuck as you are." Transfiguration wasn't his best subject either. While he spent one night a month gallivanting the woods in another form, his transformation required much less talent than that of his friends. "Let's just ask James, he could probably write this in his sleep."

Lily scowled and glared towards the fireplace where James and Sirius were entertaining Peter by levitating two elaborate paper ships through the air, apparently shooting canon fire at each other.

"I'd rather die than ask that fool for help," but even the look of disgust couldn't disguise her fascination as her green eyes followed the ships on their invisible waves. "Sometimes I wonder why you spend time with them at all." It was statement she tended to make at least once a week, usually after the Marauders made an attack on Severus. "You're nothing like them. So much more mature..." she trailed off, still watching the ships sail across the common room.

"Besides," she added, finally turning back to the books littering the table, "the essay isn't due until Friday and McGonagall said she'd go over Gamp's Law again in class tomorrow. That should clear a few things up."

Remus' stomach clenched uncomfortably. This was the dilemma he had with her every month, never knowing whether he should tell her he would be absent the next day, or not. What excuse he could he give to explain it all away and how would it fit in with whatever story the boys managed to cook up for him the next day? Feeling too guilty to consent he sat in moody silence, and when she glanced up to get an answer, she was met by his conflicted expression. Her brows furrowed in confusion before glancing out the window at the clearly visible moon as, to his horror, a suddenly look of understanding passed her face.

She looked down to her book and fiddled with the pages. After a few moments, she said, "Unless you'll be absent, in which case I promise to take excellent notes for the both of us." The words sounded casual, just like the hundreds of times she'd offered to take notes for him, but Remus' heart was racing. Did that mean she knew the horrible secret he tried so hard to keep from her?

After a moment of tense silence in which Remus was sure she could hear his heart beating, she looked up at his worried face. She frowned for a moment and he could practically see her thinking something through before she sighed heavily, put her book back down, and leaned towards him. She was so close to him her red hair brushed his arm.

"Listen Remus..." she started tentatively, "I know about...er...your er..." she floundered. She looked as uncertain as he felt. With a glance about the room again, she continued with renewed vigor, "Well lets just say I know why you have to leave every month."

Surely she would call him disgusting or dangerous or foul, or all the other words he ever got thrown at him since he'd been changed. He was already shaking his head and pulling back, ready to flatly deny whatever she was about to say when she rested her infinitely gentle hand upon his callused fingers and said in a low voice, "I know you're a werewolf."

There it was, out in the open. But the word so frequently spoken with hatred or fear, or in the case of the Marauders, awe and amazement, with Lily's lips came out so soft and calm and he stopped shaking his head and looked up to meet her eyes.

They looked at him no different than they ever had. In them he saw only warmth and acceptance, and a quiet peacefulness that his whole body yearned to trust. And while he might have lied had it been anyone else, he couldn't bring himself to lie to her.

"How...?" was all he managed to stutter back.

She quirked up an eyebrow and leaned back in her chair, moving her hand from his to run it through her hair. He couldn't tell whether he was relieved or disappointed.

"Well first off, I'm not an idiot. Those imbeciles," she gestured with a nod of her head towards the fireplace, "can't even come up with a good excuse for your absences, always saying you have some obscure disease, but of course you're never to be found in the hospital wing." She shrugged.

"How long have you known." He couldn't believe she would just keep it to herself. And he desperately wanted to hope that it wasn't so obvious half the school would be privy to it by now.

"Well honestly, I've had my suspicions since last year." Remus internally cringed. "But then Divination set this awful assignment to map out our fortunes in relation to the stars and planets, and I couldn't help but notice your absences aligned with the full moon. Severus also frequently voices his suspicions, but I try my best to derail him."

At that Remus' eyebrows shot up. He simply couldn't image Lily Evans trying to trick anyone, let alone the boy she seemed to cherish so much. Lily, seeing Remus' shocked expression rolled her eyes. "It's just...I think it might be a little too easy for him to use that theory against you, or rather use it to get back at James and Sirius and you'd of course get caught in the middle. It just doesn't seem fair for _you_."

He was looking at her very hard, trying to keep his face neutral of the emotions conflicting under the surface. Somehow she was always surprising him.

"Remus, I'm not going to tell anyone."

"Why didn't you say something sooner? You've known all this time..." He didn't think he would have reacted quite as well if she had mentioned it a year ago, but he couldn't imagine her discovering such a scandal and keeping it secret, even from her best friend. The Marauders hadn't waited four hours between figuring it out and cornering him, and here she'd waited over a year.

"Well I didn't know for sure, and even once I did, it seemed impolite to bring up something you try so hard to keep a secret. And it's yours to keep. I just want you to know that I can help, at least with classwork and notes. It's not much, but..." she shrugged, clearly at a loss for words. After a moment's pause she resumed, "You're trying so hard to stay in school. You're pushing yourself so hard, I can tell."

They sat in silence a moment. Remus, trying hard to pretend that he wasn't affected by their conversation, picked up his essay again and stared at it blankly. His mind was divided into two thoughts: half thought that he was happy to be able to stop lying to Lily and finally let her in on this part of himself, and the other half was berating himself for not being more cautious. Then there was the paranoid thought that always followed someone's discovery of his secret; what if someone else knows too?

"They know, don't they?"

Her voice startled him out of his thoughts, and he followed her thoughtful gaze to James, Sirius and Peter. Her expression was different from the usual disdain and hatred she wore when looking upon his friends. It was warmer and more intense and something about it made his heart hurt.

"They're always trying to protect you, you know. It's like when someone in class asks where you are or where you've been, they'll make a joke or create a distraction. Keeping everyone who'd do you harm an arms length away. And they always look so tired after the full moon..." She was shooting them a penetrating look, and Remus could see in her eyes all the questions burning underneath, but she shrugged it off. "You're always saying they aren't all bad. I guess I can kind of see what you mean."

She turned to face him and in the warm glow of the common room their eyes met. "Sometimes, on the nights of the full moon, I can hear you howling out in the darkness."

A slow half smile lit across her face, and Remus couldn't help but think she was the most beautiful thing he'd even seen.

So of course he loved Lily Evans. How could he not.


	4. Flood

Flood

1975

James caught a flash of red in his peripheral vision and whipped his head around in a knee jerk reaction, getting caught in the habit he'd inadvertently taken up. Sitting against a tree only fifty feet away from the Marauders was Lily Evans, her dark red hair lit up in the afternoon sunlight. She was laughing over her rucksack as she pulled out a bright yellow apple.

Leaning against the tree beside her was Severus Snape.

James' eyes narrowed.

A book was open over their laps in which Snape was furiously scribbling with a quill while Lily looked on, occasionally pointing at the page and remarking upon it. She was leaning against his arm and their faces, peering together over the book, were only inches apart.

James felt his fists inadvertently tighten.

Lily took a bite of her apple and handed it to Snape, who took it without looking and bit into it as well. He handed it back to her and watched this time as she brought it to her lips. He said something to her though James was too far away to hear, and she laughed. Snape's own lips curved into a greedy smirk as he watched her smile.

James was seething over the whole affair. He watched them pass the apple between the two of them until Lupin interrupted his spying and the four of them set off across the grounds to Gryffindor tower. He had a hard time resisting the temptation to hex Snape on the way.

While Sirius discussed what plans he had for a new prank on Filch, James' thoughts still lingered on Lily.

It disturbed him; her relationship with that greasy git. They had a certain _intimacy_ that he had never really seen between any other students, not even proper couples, not even really his parents who were regularly all over each other in a giddy, lovesick kind of way. She spent more time with him than she did any of their housemates, and the expression she wore when it was just the two of them was completely different from the one she showed her other friends.

He'd overheard her a million times telling her inquisitive dorm mates that they had grown up together, but that was no excuse. He'd spent his whole life knowing Mary McKinnon, both of them growing up on the outskirts of the same wizarding town, but they didn't cozy up together for a laugh, or share their bloody food.

No, Snape and Lily spending any time together just didn't seem right. They were polar opposites. Lily shining full of life and optimism, and Snape wallowing in misery and overall a detestable wanker. Yet they got along so well while the most he ever got out of Lily was sarcasm, rejection or an eye roll. Worst yet, how did Snivellus manage to make her smile while she only ever frowned at James? _He_ was supposed to be the likable one.

And their almost constant physical contact drove him mad. Snape, apparently having caught on sometime early in their fourth year that James fancied her, seemed to take pleasure in showing this off to James. In potions class while James brooded from the back of the class, he would watch Snape take her hands in his while she cut up her newts to show her a better technique. Afterwards, the git would glance back over his shoulder at him and match James' glare, a burning look in his eyes.

Alone in the dorms at night, the other marauders fast asleep, allowed James the only time he could admit to himself that maybe he had always had a troublesome infatuation with Lily Evans that seemed to span beyond a normal school crush. Her vibrant red hair and short temper had caught his eye the moment he first saw her on the train. Except while Peter had grown out of his misplaced crush on Mary by third year and Sirius fancied a different girl every week, James' heart still only raced for Lily. And even as a child he had harbored an intense hatred for the unworthy Slytherin she chose as her best friend and seemingly constant companion.

After all, there was something about Snape that James couldn't stand, something big that fueled all the school yard fights and fanned the flames of jealousy. There was something about the way he hunched over her like an overlarge bird as they walked through the corridors, and the way he so calmly grabbed her by the arm and hauled her out of a snow drift when they walked from Herbology, gently dusting the snow from her laughing face with his scarf.

His every movement towards her screamed possession and it drove James crazy. That's why he couldn't possibly just leave them alone.

* * *

><p>Lily's relationship with Severus, in her mind, had come rather easily. As a child, the strange bat-like boy who knew fantastic secrets had captured her imagination the moment he jumped out of the bushes at her.<p>

He was sulky, independent, and fiercely moody, but growing up with Petunia had taught her how to weather a fair few storms, and having a friend - a _best_ friend – meant just as much to Lily as it did to Severus, though neither of them knew the other felt so similarly.

At Hogwarts their relationship changed though Lily didn't really notice that until it was much too late.

Lily's housemates could never understand her relationship with her best friend. When they were first years, it was because he was a rather unkempt _boy_ that caused them so much confusion. But as the years wore on, it became seemingly clear to all the other Gryffindors, especially James Potter, that Snape had something sinister lurking under his crooked nose and dark eyes. Lily was the only one who never saw it, as he was always the best of himself when with her.

Lily for her part was determined to ignore their house differences, no matter what. So much of Severus' personality was coldness, and yet he never treated her as indifferently as he did everyone else, and that made her confident of her importance in his life. Besides, so much of her life had been dealing with bullies of one type or another, so bigoted Slytherins meant very little to her, even if they seemed bent on hurting her.

Indeed sometimes she wondered whether it was the Slytherins who really gave her a hard time, considering the constant and very unwanted attention James Potter showered her with beginning second year. He would corner her in the common room at night, pour her pumpkin juice for her at breakfast, and tickle her with his quill during class. But most astounding of all, he always seemed to know where to find her, especially if she was alone with Severus. He would spring out, seemingly from thin air, to taunt Sev and tease her until they got fed up enough to return to their own dorms or classes.

Anytime they sneaked off to a disused classroom during breaks to brew potions in attempted secret, or met in a dungeon room to slack off and eat biscuits given to them by the kitchen elves, or even when they dashed into the woods to have a bit of an adventure, something always interrupted them and cut their time short.

At first she had thought it was just rotten luck, but after a while, she couldn't help but notice there always seemed to be a Marauder about, and James tended to look a little too pleased with himself when she returned back to her Gryffindor classmates alone.

On one such occasion, her and Sev had drifted off into the woods in the late afternoon looking for potion ingredients. It had been an exhilarating walk. As they got on in years, it was harder and harder to spend time with just the two of them, and now Lily wanted that alone time more than ever. A walk in the woods, with just their own pleasant conversation and the occasional brushing of arms, made Lily ecstatic. And while he didn't exactly say it aloud, the smallest hint of a smile on his lips and the looser tension in his shoulders told her Sev was enjoying himself too.

They had just entered a clearing speckled with the late autumn mushrooms Lily was bent on collecting when the snap of a twig to her right made her jump. Sev had heard it too, and from his place across the tiny clearing from her, he froze, searching for the source of the sound, wand drawn and at the ready.

Before Lily even had time to imagine what kind of beast was spying on them, a stag peered at her from behind a tree, just feet away from where she stood. She gasped and then covered her mouth, fearful of scaring the deer away, but he remained impassive, watching her from big dark eyes.

The sound of rustling leaves made him turn his head as Severus took a step towards Lily but paused when the antlered animal turned to look at him.

The stag slowly picked his was into the clearing, straight up to a shocked Lily who had backed up into a tree to avoid his path. Her hand were raised in an attempt to look less threatening and the beast pushed his head into them, clearly demanding to be touched.

Lily stood breathless and motionless for a moment staring wide eyed into Severus' raised brow expression, worried any sudden movement would send the creature into a fit, but after a moment, she smoothed down the side of his neck with her palm. It was course and thick and warmed from the sunlight. The stag shook it's neck out in what Lily assumed was appreciation.

She let out a breathy laugh as the stag nudged her shoulder with his nose.

"Friendly, isn't he?" she whispered to Severus who stood watching the scene a few steps away.

"I suppose so," Sev responded with a tinge of curiosity. He was rather struck by the image Lily made, standing next to the stag in the dimpled sunshine of the clearing: surreal and yet so completely natural. It was pure magic.

He took a step forward, but the deer turned to him, and using his flank, nudged Lily ever so slightly away from Severus.

"I dare say he likes you," he added, steadily keeping the irrationally jealous tone out of his voice.

Lily had opened her mouth to respond when a bark somewhere deeper in the forest beat her to it. The stag turned its antlered head to the noise. After a moment of thought, it gave the surprised Lily a a gentle rub on her cheek with his and trotted out of the clearing, watching Severus steadily as it left.

"That was odd," Severus said aloud.

Shocked, Lily nodded her agreement. "Yes. Very."

It was much later in the night while she was curled up with a book in the common room, when James wished Lily a soft goodnight and brushed his hand across her cheek and stared at her with his big dark brown eyes that she wondered for a moment if he had something to do with the stag in the forest before brushing it off as paranoia.

* * *

><p>One Saturday morning in late fall, Lily nibbled at breakfast in the Great Hall, politely half-listening to Mary rant about Sirius, her on-again off-again boyfriend, while the other half of her mind impatiently waited for Severus to come down to breakfast. Just as Mary had circled back to Sirius' "dreamy" eyes for the third time, Severus' lanky figure slinked into the Hall accompanied by his dorm mates, Mulciber and Avery. They sidled onto the Slytherin bench facing her, and Severus looked up to meet her stare. He smirked his usual half smile reserved just for her and resumed his conversation with the boys, making himself a plate.<p>

"You look lovely this morning, Evans."

James Potter's voice so near to her startled her out of her reverie. She turned unhappily to glare at him.

She should have realized the Marauders were near. Mary had been silent for far too long, and sure enough she glanced to her side to see Sirius and Mary enjoying a breakfast make-out session. Lily groaned. Peter slid into the seat next to Sirius and began piling food onto the plate in front of him, oblivious to the enthusiastic couple beside him.

"Good morning, Lily," Lupin said softly from across the table. She smiled at Remus who was spooning eggs onto a plate. "Can you not do that where the rest of us eat, Padfoot," he added to Sirius but the only response was Sirius' middle finger. Sharing a look with Remus, Lily reached for the pitcher of pumpkin juice but James beat her to it, refilling her glass and handing it back to her with a flourish.

"You know, Evans, I'm off to Quidditch practice today, if you want to stop by and watch." James' brown eyes glinted mischievously underneath his spectacles and his hand went up to ruffle his hair. "I can even fly you around the pitch during warm up if you like."

Lily rolled her eyes. Sirius momentarily pulled away from Mary, his face eager as he waited for her response. "Hmmm, I think I'd better not. I think if your ego inflated anymore your head would pop." With that she downed her glass of pumpkin juice and flounced over to the Slytherin table, James and Sirius' laughter following behind her.

Severus saw her approaching and mentally tensed. But watching James' face behind her transform from jovial to jealous allowed him the opportunity to gloat and he met his stare, smirking at his displeasure.

"Hey Sev, you just about done?" She stretched out on the bench across the table from him and his dorm mates and picked up a piece of toast.

Severus was very aware of the Slytherin heads turned to watch her in displeasure and the steady stares of the Gryffindors across the room. He could practically see the four Marauders at the table bristle in anticipation, and while he would love to witness an all out brawl between the houses, it would hardly be safe for Lily to be standing right in the middle of it.

He began gathering his bag to hedge the incoming fight, but it was too late.

"Yeah _Sev, _why don't you get rid of the Mudblood before she spoils our food."

Mulciber had a cruel sneer on his face as he leered at Lily but she remained unfazed, even as James jumped to his feet across the room and was only kept in place by Lupin's firm grip on his arm. Sirius had detached himself from Mary and was twirling his wand between his fingers. Even Peter had stilled his eating, his eyes darting between his three companions, all looking ready to pounce. Lily on the other hand met Mulciber's gaze indifferently as she dipped a finger into a platter of oatmeal right in front of him and swirled it around.

"I'd take mud over the incestuous filth that runs through your veins any day."

Mulciber's face twitched unpleasantly and Avery's hand went to his wand, but after a glance at the seething Gryffindor table, he relaxed his grip. Severus didn't loosen the hold on his though, even as Lily licked her finger unconcernedly and pushed herself off the bench.

The two began walking towards the door when as an after thought she glanced over her shoulder at Mulciber, just as he brought a glass of pumpkin juice to his lips. He immediately sputtered out "Vinegar?," spraying the table and throwing a curse in her direction. But Severus was faster, throwing up a shield charm while Lily laughed.

* * *

><p>That night, as Severus slowly descended the stairs to his dorm, the hushed sounds of conspiring met him outside the door. Suspecting trouble, he listened with an ear against the wood.<p>

"...Or maybe slip a Fanged Freesia into her bag. She'll reach in looking for a book and come out with one less finger," Avery's distinctive country accent spoke harshly.

"Or just hit her with a good Body Bind at the top of the stairs and watch her tumble down." That voice Severus recognized as Mulciber, and he had little trouble guessing their intended victim.

"That rotten Mudblood, acting so superior. Pity she's so pretty..." Avery fell short as the door slowly creaked open.

"Expelliarmus," Severus firmly spoke, and the boys' two wands rushed to meet his outstretched hand.

The two Slytherins met Severus' steady gaze, twitching slightly under the intensity of his glare and without means of defending themselves.

Unwilling to back down however, Mulciber goaded, "Hey, _Sev_, how's your little Mudblood. Does she taste as sweet as she looks?"

The candles in the room flickered dangerously, and the low deep sound of creaking wood filled the space. The haughty looks on Mulciber and Avery's faces quickly dissolved under the steady black gaze of Severus Snape. A few years ago, these boys would have been the ones tormenting him, but now, with so much more learning under his hat, they stood in fear of his well earned authority.

"It has come to my attention that a plot is being built concerning Lily Evans," he spoke in a soft fluid voice. He stopped for a moment and let the tension build in his silence. "However, I'm afraid I cannot allow damage to be done to her."

"Why, Snape, if I didn't already know you had no heart, I'd say you've fallen for the little Mudblood." Avery sneered at him, but Snape didn't bat an eye.

"I suppose it'd be fitting after all. A perfect match. Dirty blood with dirty blood."

Snape stood a moment, silently before speaking, "I don't want to have to repeat myself. Any damage done to Lily Evans will be greatly regretted."

Avery looked like he was about to scoff but it was cut off as Severus raised his wand at him.

"You see, there's this spell I've been working on. Turns a persons' insides out." Avery's mouth had closed and his face was getting paler as it twisted in discomfiture. Mulciber watched Avery in horror. "Trouble is, I haven't quite figured out how to get them back in."

Avery shuddered a moment and then gasped, dropping to floor breathing heavily. Mulciber was looking at Snape with something between anger and curiosity. Nothing like a Slytherin to take so much interest in dark spells, even those used against themselves. Snape lowered his wand.

"Do we have an understanding?"

The two boys stared back at him, and then exchanged a glance. "Yeah, alright Snape. We get it. Now lay off."

Snape tossed the two their wands and they huffed past Severus out of the room. Snape watched them leave silently then closed the door and laid down on his bed with his hands behind his head.

Threatening those two was dangerous, he knew that well enough, but now that he had so far surpassed all of his housemates in dark magic, he had secured a place in their respect. Unlike the Marauders, Slytherins were easily swayed by threats. Hopefully it would be enough to keep them off his back, or more importantly, Lily's.

And if it wasn't he'd deal with them when the time came. It had been worth the risk. To think of those two slimy gits chasing after Lily with the intent of hurting her made his blood boil under his calm mask of indifference.

No one would hurt her. He wouldn't allow it.

And now that he had delved so deep into dark magic, he was finally beginning to have the power to keep her safe. It was with this power that he'd protect her from the close-minded purebloods who were soon to take control of the magic world.

With these dark spells he could keep her safely at his side forever.


	5. Fire

Fire

1975

The cold October wind cut through Lily's robes as she and Severus crossed the lawn, giving up the idea of a day outside and retreating back to the castle. The wind however didn't chill her nearly as deeply as her companion's words.

"You need to...watch him tonight Lily," he was saying to her through gritted teeth. "Where does he go when he's 'ill,' I want to know." There was something almost manic in the intensity of his dark eyes as he stared into hers.

Lily stiffly averted her gaze to the ground and tried not to obviously fume. It was unfair how levelheaded he always remained during their ever more frequent tiffs. "I will not, Severus Snape. Where Remus goes is his own business, and what's it matter to you anyways?" She tried to keep her voice steady but the end rose up in panic.

Severus' clever dark eyes bored into hers. "They're hiding something...I can tell," was all he said and Lily huffed and stormed off a few steps ahead of him. "They are!" he called out after her, quickening his pace to catch up. Lily stopped and turned around ready to put up a fight when suddenly a reddish blur swept into her and carried her up into the air.

There was a moment of sheer confused panic as she looked down at the retreating ground before understanding set in. She was precariously perched sideways on a broom that was slowly ascending, already nearly 30 feet off the ground. And behind her, laughing merrily at his own joke and holding her loosely with one hand was James Potter, geared up for Quidditch practice.

Severus was only a pale blip on the ground and from that distance, she couldn't tell whether he was screaming obscenities at James or if that was just the wind in her ears.

"What do you think you are doing, Potter!" Lily demanded, firmly grasping the broomstick on both sides of her and trying vainly to lean away from him.

"Oh, fancy seeing you up here Miss Evans. Lovely day." James' eyes glittered beneath his round frame glasses. Lily risked lifting a hand to shove him hard in the shoulder and the broom uncomfortable bobbed with the shifted weight.

"Put me down, Potter. Right now." Lily was fond of flying, but the thought that she was entirely at the mercy of James' antics made the experiencing significantly more terrifying. She knew well enough the insane stunts he was capable of preforming in the air. And she dearly wished he wouldn't try any of that with her in tow.

"Hmm...I suppose I could..." James replied, but before Lily could open her mouth to respond, he had speed off, leaving the wide lawn behind and whizzing between castle turrets. He slowed down and gently lowered her onto a stone outcropping nearly at the top of the south tower. "There you are, milady. On your own two feet again."

Lily who had crouched down in order to grasp each edge of the ledge she was stranded on glared at James as he drifted in lazy circles around her, starring at her expectantly. "Potter..." she said, barely containing her rage, not wanting to rise to his antics, "I'd rather prefer it if it was on the ground."

"Hmm? What's that?" He held a hand up to his ear in mock confusion.

"Fly me back down there, you moron!" She had grown somewhat used to his teasing, and had begrudging come to accept that that frequently meant an invasion of space, but this was ridiculous. He flew her to the bleeding roof! Oh, he was going to deeply regret this in time...

"I don't know. Try asking me nicely." He was laughing again and leaning forward earnestly, waiting for her answer.

"Please," she gritted out between her teeth, "Please bring me back down to the ground..."

"...James," he prompted her.

Her eye twitched and she squeezed them closed. "...Please bring me back down to the ground, James Potter."

His grin dropped a moment, but came back in a flash when he landed next to her. She quickly shoved him off the ledge and apathetically watched him flip unto his broom midair and fly back up laughing. He offered the space in front of him again and she reluctantly seated herself before him, allowing him to wrap his arms around her to grasp the broom in front of her.

"You might want to hold onto me," he said as they sped off back through the castle turrets and towers.

"No wa..."

Her response got cut off as they suddenly dropped and her stomach flew to her throat. On instinct she grabbed James around the waist in a fierce hug and he was laughing again as he pulled them up sharply, stopping their decent.

"Potter!" she cried at him, pushing him away, but he was far to happy with himself to be fazed by it.

On the ground below her, Sev was coming into focus, but he wasn't alone, and judging from the shouting, it wasn't a happy gathering.

James set down gently besides a fuming Sirius, also sporting Quidditch robes, and Peter who looked completely enthralled in the argument. Severus, Lily could see, was red faced in anger, his shoulders stiff with fury.

"And YOU!" he shouted, rounding on James who still had a grasp on Lily's arm. She shook him off and jogged over to Sev. "Who do you think you are?!" His string of insults tapered into unintelligible and Lily soothingly tried to link her arm with his and steer him away. "I know what you are up to! I'm going to prove it to everyone!" He shouted, trying to twist away from her.

Lily glanced behind them one last time to see Sirius looking incredibly smug, a malicious grin spread across his handsome features and perhaps not for the first time, she saw the root of something sinister in him.

* * *

><p>Sitting in the common room that night, Lily tried to imagine what the row could have possibly been about. Sev was almost out of his mind with excitement as he called a hasty goodbye to her in the entrance way to the castle and dashed off, leaving her utterly confused. He was up to something, but she hadn't been able to find him in any of their usual haunts after dinner, and for that matter, he didn't even show up for the meal.<p>

Her transfiguration book lay open in her lap, but attempting to work was futile. She had read the same passage at least five times but she was too distracted to understand their meaning. And Remus, her usual common room companion, was incapacitated by the full moon.

That was another thought that ran in circles through her head. _Severus knew_. She was sure of it. He kept trying to hint at it, and it was all she could do to deny his accusations and plead with him to leave the Marauders to themselves but to no avail. Why couldn't the lot of them just leave each other alone? It was driving her mad.

"What you got there, Evans?" James interrupted her thoughts, plopping down heavily on the couch besides her and grabbing her book out from under her. Peter sat down on the ground in front of the fire and Sirius followed, taking a seat in an armchair, face contorted in an expression Lily had never seen him wear before.

"Shove off, Potter," she said halfheartedly, much more intrigued by Black's mysterious mood than Potters usual antics.

Eyebrows drawn together and teeth worrying his bottom lip; it was almost concern, Lily realized, and instantly her heart clenched as her internal alarm for trouble went haywire.

Sirius was shameless. She'd seem him send his own brother Regulus to the hospital wing on multiple occasions without the least bit of worry, but something he had done now was big enough that even he was having second thoughts.

Sirius, catching her accusatory look jumped. "What's got your panties in a twist, Evans," he asked with failed nonchalance.

"What have you done?" she asked, her mind immediately racing to Sev and his confusing behavior when they parted.

"What?" James looked up and upon seeing Sirius' expression turned serious. "Padfoot, what's going on?" His voice had been much less accusatory than Lily's.

"What do you mean? I've done nothing, right?" he scoffed back, but the nervous hand he ran through his hair and his averted eyes didn't sell his innocence. He hesitated a moment under the stares of Lily and James. "Well... I've not done much. Any trouble he gets into now'll be his own damned fault."

Peter's eyes were wide with guilt, and James was looking confused but Lily reached forward and grasped Sirius' arm in a vice grip, her burning green eyes boring holes into him.

"What did you tell him, Black? What trouble have you thrown Sev into?"

Sirius had paled. He glanced behind her to where James was looking at him seriously and after a futile attempt to shrug his arm out of Lily's grip, he spoke to James, "I just told him what he might find tonight... if he goes for a late night stroll..." he wet his lips. "...under the Whomping Willow."

James face contorted into anger and distantly Lily heard James lay into Sirius while her brain frantically worked to understand what she'd just heard. What would Severus find out on the grounds tonight? What would excite him so much that he'd disappear all night?

A shiver passed through her. _Remus_.

"Sev..." she barely whispered, before bolting upright and dashing through the portrait hole at record speed. She wasn't really sure what she would do when she reached the willow, but she knew she couldn't let him find Remus alone, transforming, or he'd be torn to pieces...

A hand grabbed her shoulder at the end of the third floor corridor, and she was forcibly spun around. "Go get McGonagall, I'll get Snape," James practically shouted at her, and before she could argue, he raced off down the corridor faster on his lanky legs than she could have ever ran.

After he disappeared around a corner she bolted up the stairs to McGonagall's office followed closely behind by Sirius and Peter.

* * *

><p>Darkness was falling as James tore through the castle, pushing through groups of students making their way up to their houses and jumping the flight of steps that lead to the courtyard. Leaping over the railing, he slid down the wet grassy hillside, and when his feet hit the bottom, he transformed, running faster on four legs than he ever could on two.<p>

Stars were just starting to light up the sky as the Whomping Willow came into view, a dark silhouette against the rising moon. It's usually perpetually moving branches were eerily still, enchanted by the root Sirius had told Snape how to trigger. The charm was still in effect and in the back of his mind, a light of hope sprang up. He wasn't too far behind Snape. He could still make it in time. James transformed back and dived down the hole, half running half scrambling down the cramped tunnel to the Shrieking Shack.

His heart was pounding furiously in his chest by the time a dim light appeared ahead of him, Snape's crouched figure a shadow against the light slipping through a crack in the door. Dimly he could make out moaning from the room ahead, but he didn't allow any time to give Remus a thought. He caught Snape by the shoulders and spun him around, his pale face alight with shock and victory.

"You!" Snape shrugged off James' pulling and cracked a sinister grin. "I knew it! Bid Hogwarts farewell, Potter. You'll be..." but his gloating was cut short by a horrible crash and a bone chilling scream that transformed into a wicked howl.

A terrible beat of silence hung heavily for a moment before the unmistakable sound of four clawed feet pounding across the wood floors towards their door set James in motion. He shoved Snape ahead of him down the tunnel and flung a sealing charm on the door before dashing back down the tunnel. Moments later, the first thump of a body against the door spurred their speed.

The run seemed impossibly long and the snarling at the other end of the tunnel seemed to get closer and closer to them until the two boys exploded out the other side and into the open night air. Running towards them down the lawn was McGonagall, following Dumbledore himself. In the momentary relief of being free of the tunnel and spotting their saviors, James realized a fraction of a second too late what tree they stood before, just as something huge and hard collided with the side of him and the world went dark.

* * *

><p>Lily was pacing a hole in the rug in front of the portrait hole. Hours. It had been <em>hours<em>, she thought as she glanced at the clock over the mantel for the millionth time. Just after tree in the morning and still no news.

McGonagall had turned white when Lily burst in, sputtering out, "Severus has gone to find Remus!" Swifter than Lily could imagine a woman her age moving, McGonagall was out the door, commanding Sirius and Peter to report the issue to Dumbledore and sending Lily back to the common room. When Lily spoke out to protest, McGonagall sent her a look that rooted her to the spot.

She had loitered in the entry hallway as long as possible but after two confrontations, Filch and walked her back to the Fat Lady's portrait and personally saw her in. She had counted to a hundred and fifty before peeking into the hallway, only to be immediately spotted by Mrs. Norris' bright red eyes. She pulled the portrait closed and resigned herself to waiting in the common room.

There she had frantically paced, periodically stopping to listen with stalled breath to the howls coming from the grounds. Surely if all was well James would be back by now, she thought yet again, and a sharp pain stabbed her heart.

Then again, if Severus had died, surely she would _know._ If someone so dear to her as her best friend had been viciously mauled to death, she would have somehow felt it, right? There's no way he could just _die_ and be done with it. No, no. If Severus was dead, she would kill him.

Her thoughts bounced back between tentative confidence that all must be well, and the all consuming fear that nothing would ever be again. While fighting back nervous tears for the tenth time that evening, the portrait swung open.

Leaning against the frame and horribly out of breath, a bruised and battered James stumbled into the room. Lily ran up to him and caught him, studying his face for signs of the worst.

"It's okay," he gasped out. "We caught him. Sorry for the wait, Pomfrey wouldn't let me go..."

Never before had Lily heard such wonderful words and she half sobbed, half laughed in relief. She lead him over to a chair and let him catch his breath. The right side of his face was black and blue (though Lily noted the bruises did look a few days old – presumably the work of Madam Pomfrey), and his right arm was wrapped in bandages and hung in a sling. He must have come from the hospital wing, but he was out of breath. Had he run here to tell her the news?

"What about Remus, is he okay?"

James nodded. "He's fine. Or well, you know. He has no idea what happened and won't until the morning." James frowned for a moment. "Not sure how he'll take it though. Probably not well."

Lily slowly let out a shaky breath and sank to a crouch in front of James. As the adrenaline left her body, a bone deep exhaustion set in, and suddenly her legs didn't seem up to supporting her.

"Where's Sirius?" she asked, glancing up to meet James' concerned stare.

"Talking to Dumbledore. He's been in there a while..."

"Think he'll be expelled?" At the moment, Lily wasn't sure which answer she wanted to hear. A huge part of her wanted some sort of vengeance for Sirius' awful prank, but the image of him panicking replayed itself in her head and it was hard not to pity him. Besides, she was familiar enough with stories of his bad home life and having grown up with Severus, it was painful to imagine him condemned to such an awful place.

"I don't know," James said tentatively. "I don't think so." At her quick glance he continued, "He's really torn up about it. And he's a Black, so it'd be hard to expel him without telling the parents what he'd done, and that would let the werewolf out of the bag, so to speak."

She was quiet a moment, digesting that. There it was again, that pureblood nonsense. Even as an outcast, the purebloods would be in a riot over one of their sons being denied their education. And even if they recognized his criminal action, they'd be sure to have Lupin expelled as well. It was a stalemate.

Lily was too tired to get upset about the unfairness of the situation so she asked the only question she had really wanted answered but was too afraid to ask. "Is Sev okay?"

It had come out in a whisper and a fleeting look of some deep sadness flickered in James' eyes. "Yeah, he'll be just fine. The both of us got a bit banged up by the Whomping Willow, but Madam Pomfrey patched him up."

"If he looks half as bad as you, I hope he'll spend the night in the hospital wing." She was studying the dark splotch stretching across his cheekbone and cringing at the thought of Sev bearing similar marks. "Shouldn't you probably be there now?"

A cocky grin spread across his face. "Worried about me, Evans?" When she refused to answer with anything more than a dead-pan look, he continued, "It'd take a lot more than a tree to ruin my good looks."

Lily rolled her eyes and made to stand, but James jumped to his feet and helped pull her up. "What about Sev? They couldn't expel him either then, right?"

James hand loosely grasping her under the arm lead her towards the stairs to the dormitories, despite her halfhearted attempt at shrugging him off. "Doubt it. Probably didn't get much more than a few nights detention."

"Is that what you got?"

He chuckled. "Yeah, just a few, nothing out of the ordinary for me. Besides, I've earned us a lovely 50 points for my _heroic_ behavior." He cracked her a sideways grin, but she was looking surprisingly serious.

She turned to stand directly in front of him and abruptly wrapped her arms around his middle and squeezed. It was over in an instant and she pulled back looking a little bit embarrassed.

"Thank you, James. For your 'heroic behavior,'" she said, looking at his sternum, which was about eye level for her, before quickly retreating up the stairs. She never saw James' utter look of shock and glee.

* * *

><p>"...And then, she hugged me!" James whispered dramatically to a less than enthusiastic crowd. He had slipped into the hospital wing first thing in the morning with Sirius and Peter, and there they all retold the account of the night before to a horrified Remus, their muted voices filling the small space inside the partitioned off bed.<p>

Remus hadn't taken it well. An utter look of horror and despair had morphed his face into something unrecognizable and if it weren't for the near tears this left Sirius in, James suspected there might have been more yelling. As it was, all Remus had spoken so far was, "...Did I...?"

"No," Sirius answered, his voice uncharacteristically weak and apologetic. "No, you didn't Moony. James caught him with time to spare, really. And Dumbledore has talked to him already. Nothing'll happen to you..." He trailed off, looking so pathetic even Remus didn't have the heart to shout at him.

Peter had watched the whole affair from the foot of the bed and after a lengthy pause he spoke up, "Said you had something you wanted to tell us, Prongs?"

It was then that James had launched into the much less eventful story of the Common Room and it's resulting embrace. Sirius and Remus hardly paid any attention, looking through James' ecstatic face to the horrors of their own minds, but James hardly noticed. He was alight with excitement and Peter's grin egged him on. "I think I might have a chance," he concluded, exuberance bouncing him out of his seat.

The Marauders were so invested in their own individual thoughts that they all jumped when the curtain was ripped back and Severus' scowling face sneered at them from the gap.

"You think you have a chance, Potter?" he scoffed as Sirius and James drew their wands. "The lot of you," he continued. "Werewolves and would-be murderers? You think Lily would settle for you?" Blood was pounding in his ears and his face was red with fury. He glanced at Remus with undisguised disgust. "You'd sooner tear her apart than win her over." Lupin lowered his eyes miserably and Sirius bristled.

"Shove off, _Snivellus_," James replied, distaste clearly written across his features. "Quit poking your greasy nose into places it doesn't belong."

"Or should I part you with that appendage?" Sirius added vehemently, the hand fisted around his wand trembling.

Heels clicking down the ward silenced the fight as Severus reluctantly tugged the curtain closed after one last glare.

The four Marauders sat in silence while Madame Pomfrey quietly looked over Severus' healed wounds and walked him out the door.

"What a wanker," James said aloud in an attempt to lighten the mood but the gloom remained.

After no one responded, James lapsed into his own fuming. As if Lily would settle for _Snivellus_. He was no better for her than they were, far worse really considering his appetite for dark magic and his inferior skills at dueling. And those Slytherins friends of his, they would all sooner see her humiliated and hurt than join up with one of their ranks.

No, James was sure he was the far better match. And now, with Snivellus acting like a fool, he would be sure to prove that point to Lily, no matter what it took.


	6. Familiar

Familiar

1974

Severus Snape had never liked returning to Spinner's End every summer holiday, but he had to admit it; three months with Lily all to himself was like a dream.

The winter before had been particularly brutal. His mother had passed away Christmas Day. For as long as Severus could remember she had been perpetually ill, but she had taken a sudden dive for the worse after a lone owl appeared one winter morning bearing news of her brother's death. Severus had never even heard of an uncle before.

She spent the last month of her life in bed and slipped away silently. Severus found her, pale and still, wrapped in her ancient bed linens, looking so empty it was hard to imagine she had ever been alive.

The funeral had been a pathetic affair in Severus' opinion. She was buried in the dingy back corner of the mill town cemetery with no ado. Only Severus and Lily were present to see her off, standing silently in the gray snowy dusk, Lily firmly grasping his hand as he watched a weary muggle shovel the frozen earth over his mother's coffin. He had vaguely hoped some long lost magical relative would show up to show their respect, but the cemetery was empty except for them.

He hadn't known what to expect upon his return to Spinner's End in June, but when the Evans politely dropped him at his dingy house after the train ride back to London, he saw neither hide nor hair of Tobias Snape. In fact, the layer of dust over every surface in the house and the rotten contents of the fridge left him wondering whether his father had been home at all since he last saw him, loitering about the shadowy entrance to the cemetery that awful winter day.

The thought that he might get to spend the summer alone with Lily and without the looming presence of his father gave him a completely foreign rush of joy. He would suffer through anything if it meant that he'd be with Lily, but this was a new pleasure all together. It was freedom, so long as Tobias stayed away.

He didn't want to get his hopes up in case his father decided to return just to torment him, but the possibility that he wouldn't was far to exciting to ignore. He found himself trying out all the things he figured normal wizarding children enjoyed everyday but he had never before even dreamed of experiencing.

While the sun set over the dirty row houses out the front window, he reveled in openly reading his potion book while lounging on the sofa, wrote a bit of his transfiguration essay at the kitchen table, and brewed a bit of focusing potion over the stove, just because he could. He debated leaving his heavy school trunk in the sitting room, reluctant to drag it up the narrow staircase, but decided he didn't want to risk his father coming home and having an opportunity to destroy his most prized possessions.

While he laid in his bed and contemplated the possibilities of tomorrow, a familiar gentle rapping at his window broke his reverie. The same green eyes he had just been imagining stared at him through his grimy bedroom window. Together, one on each side of the pane, they tugged the sticky window up enough for Lily to sneak through the gap.

"Hey Sev, am I interrupting?" Lily whispered as she glanced at the open bedroom door. Severus had almost closed it by habit but had intentionally chosen to leave it open and enjoy the unusual quiet of an empty house.

"No, not at all Lily," he answered rather loudly. At Lily's nervous glance towards the door he explained, "It seems Tobias has been out. Quite a long time considering the carpet of dust over his bed."

"What, really?" Lily frowned and pushed past him out onto the second floor landing. She gently crept to the darkened room that was his father's and peered inside, flipping the switch on the wall. She bent over to study the sheets covered in a solid layer of gray and gently blew a cloud of dust sitting atop the pillow into the air. "But where's he been?"

Her concerned face turned to meet his slightly smiling one. It was the largest smile she'd ever seen on him. "I don't know and I certainly don't care," he told her, and her lips promptly turned down in a frown. Unsure, his grin sagged as well.

"What if he's sick in hospital? Or rotting in jail? Or dead in a ditch somewhere? Aren't you at least curious?"

"Lily, I'm never even remotely curious about that man," he stated. He figured he should keep his desperate hope that he _was_ dead in a ditch to himself. Lily never took those things well.

She was still frowning, studying the empty bottles crowding the night stand, mentally working out whether she should even _be_ worried about such an awful father. When he was around he was either shouting up a storm, taking blows at Severus, or drunkenly passed out. Maybe Sev was right. Maybe it was okay that he was mysteriously absent. She wouldn't particularly miss him and she could sense the joy coming off Severus in waves.

"He's a grown man, I suppose..." she spoke to the floorboards, and Severus smirked again and dragged her to her feet.

"Shall I entertain you in the Parlor?" he asked with a flourish, bowing his head and gesturing with his arm out the door. Lily laughed and allowed him to lead her to the front room. It too was dusty and filled with threadbare sofas and dinged up tables, but it was remarkably exciting to get to sit about the house like normal people instead of holed up in Severus' cramped bedroom, whispering in the semi-darkness of candlelight.

"And to think I get to leave out the front door!" she said in mock excitement as she settled herself cross-legged on a sofa. "That's even more than I get to do in my own home...Well, at least in the middle of the night."

"Ah yes, my home is quite luxurious, you know," he agreed, taking the open seat next to her, intentionally allowing his leg to gently press against hers. The new state of his home bolstered up his confidence in ways he had never before imagined possible. "And how is the home front on your end?" Lily's parents had mentioned some exciting news on the drive back from King's Cross, but they insisted Petunia be the one to tell Lily. Lily had protested that Petunia would hate the obligation to have a conversation with her, but her parents had laughed it off. Normally trivial muggle news wouldn't make an impression on him, but his brain was remarkably talented at storing everything about Lily Evans firmly above all else.

With that question, Lily's mood drastically shifted. "Ugh!" she burst out, throwing herself back against the couch and covering her face with her hands. "Petunia is going to be _married_, Severus. In little more than a _month_. She just finished prep school and she's not even bothering to get a job or go to school or anything. And you can't believe how much of a madhouse it is there. Everything is floral decorations and food preparation and she won't shut up about her god-awful dress..." Lily sighed heavily and rolled her eyes, sinking into silence.

"Who in their right mind would marry Petunia?" Severus wondered aloud, and Lily huffed and punched him in the arm, but she was hiding a little grin. He cleared his throat. "What I meant was, have you met the lucky man?"

"He's coming over for dinner tomorrow, which is bound to be a _lovely_ affair..." she frowned and Severus could sense Lily holding something back. She struggled with it a moment but abruptly turned to him. "Sev, you've gotta come over too. I'll die if I'm left alone to fend with whatever idiot Petunia's chosen."

Severus raised an eyebrow. "Lily, I doubt my presence would improve the situation. Things always get a bit... tense... when I join the Evans family dinner." Really anytime Petunia had to spend more than a few fleeting seconds in his company it turned into a disaster. He had such difficulty keeping his mouth shut when Petunia badmouthed Lily or him. Lily was indifferent to her abuse, but Severus couldn't stand the awful ways Petunia went about making Lily feel inadequate, nor could he stand her superior attitude in the face of their magical talent. She reminded him so much of his father.

"Please, Sev," she begged, drawing even closer to him. She was close enough that the ends of her long hair tickled his arm and the smell of her filled his senses. "If you're there, it will all be a joke. We can have a laugh at all the awkwardness later and it won't be the awful, serious, depressing affair it'd be if I was alone..."

Her warm gentle hand on his thigh effectively cut off all reasoning and he heard himself say "...alright..." before his brain really got a chance to think it over. But his regret was short lived when she put her arms around his shoulders, leaned into him and squeezed. He could feel her lips against his neck and it set his blood on fire. He squeezed her back before the opportunity passed him by and figured this was worth a horrid evening with Lily's awful muggle sister. He'd gladly see Petunia everyday if it meant getting to hold Lily on a regular basis.

* * *

><p>That's how, the next night, Severus found himself donned in the finest muggle clothing he had in his closet (a slightly holey black cardigan, and a pair of his dad's old work jeans), his lanky hair pushed out of his face and his rear end tucked neatly on the squishy love seat in the Evans' sitting room. Mr. and Mrs. Evans had welcomed him in and migrated to the kitchen where he could hear them chatting amiably.<p>

The Evan's house was always on a completely different spectrum than the little house of Spinners End. Seated in the cozy sitting room, it was almost impossible to imagine that they were only a block and a half apart. Everything about the Evan's house glowed with comfort and happiness, the kitchen always smelled like delicious cooking, and Lily's parents were the real life versions of the classic families they would watch on the television.

Severus often wondered how different his life would be if his home life was this perfect. Perhaps then he would be as warm and kind-hearted as Lily, though he found that prospect unlikely. After all, Petunia had turned out completely rotten with the exact same home environment.

Thinking of Lily led his glance back in her direction. He thought she looked lovely, and he was enjoying watching her pace about the sitting room nervously. While he liked her in her school uniform or in witches robes, muggle clothing was by far his favorite. The airy green summer dress she wore tapered at her thin waist and spun gently about her skinny knees every time she turned, and not for the first time, Severus had quite a few thoughts about her that were not at all appropriate with her parents in the next room.

"Care to sit, Lily?" he offered. "You're wearing a hole in the carpet."

She tsked and plopped down on the couch next to him only to promptly begin tapping her foot. "What if he's a prick?!" she whispered to him in mild hysteria. "My sister is going to marry a prick, I know it. I mean, what kind of name is _Vernon_?"

"Well, your sister isn't winning awards for her character, either," he whispered back, but when that failed to illicit even a glance he said more seriously, "She likes him, doesn't she? Isn't that good enough?"

She turned and looked into his face surprisingly seriously when suddenly the door bell rang and her hand shot out and gripped his. "She didn't tell him, Sev." Her eyes were boring into his while distantly he heard Petunia fluttering down the stairs to answer the door. "He doesn't know...what we are. We aren't supposed to..." She jumped up off the couch and headed towards the front door. Severus, after a moment of thoughtful silence, followed.

The man Petunia hung on the arm of in the entry way absolutely gushing over was the last thing either of them ever imagined Petunia settling for. A blond tuft of hair topped one of the heaviest men Lily had ever seen, his pale face flushed from the short walk from his car in their drive. She imagined he had once been some sort of athlete that required great bulk, his shoulders still carried some muscle to them, but had long ago lost his figure. He was agreeably shaking the Evans' hands when he turned and saw Lily for the first time.

His eyes narrowed even as he smiled and held out his pudgy hand for Lily to shake. "You must be Petunia's baby sister, Lily. I've heard so much about you." His voice was dripping with pretense. Petunia tittered behind him and he grinned as if they shared some private joke in that. She tugged her hand out of his sweaty grasp.

"Yes I'm sure." she answered equally tense, already overcome by a strong dislike for the man. If they were going to spend an evening together, he could at least pretend they all were going to get along. She blindly grasped behind her until she found Severus' arm and pulled him forward. Behind Vernon, Petunia's face transformed into a scowl. With her arm in Severus', Lily simpered, "This is Severus Snape, our neighbor, my classmate, and my dearest friend."

Vernon's beady eyes snapped to Severus and roamed over him, stopping to take in his long hair, dirty fingernails, and a particularly sizable hole in his sweater. "Ah. Snape was it?" he reluctantly held out his hand to Severus. Both men looked like they'd rather chew off their hands than make contact but common courtesy won out. "So you both attend St. Mildgyth's? I thought it was a girl's school?" He glanced behind him at Petunia who had blanched.

"Apparently not." Severus answered.

"Well, come in Vernon," Petunia tittered. "No need to loiter in the foyer like a simple _ruffian_." She pushed past Lily and Severus and they scampered out of the way before Vernon could crush them on his way into the kitchen. They followed after a moment, glancing at each other conspiratorially. Lily tried and failed to stifle a giggle and Severus smirked. She kept her arm linked with Severus and even though the company was looking bleak, he was thrilled to have the far lovelier Evan's daughter on _his_ arm.

By the time they entered the kitchen, Vernon was already in a rather loud conversation with Mr. Evans about wrenches or ratchets or something equally boring - Lily didn't care enough to find out. She sidled over to the counter where Petunia was pulling silverware out of the drawers and picked up a pile of plates, handing them to Severus to set out. He silently complied, grateful to avoid what sounded like and awful chat at the table.

The moment Sev turned away, Lily's arm was viciously pinched and she was spun around to face a tight lipped, seething Petunia. "Who told you to invite that _awful_ boy?" she viciously whispered in her sister's ear.

Lily tugged out of her grip, grabbed the pile of neatly folded napkins and flounced over to the table, sticking her tongue out. "Vernon?" she said forcefully, effectively interrupting his conversation. "How long have you been dating Tuney, here?" she asked with artificial interest while she circled the table setting down napkins. Severus had frozen and locked his eyes on Lily, raptly absorbing the situation.

"Well, we met at a party about three months ago and I proposed to her a month later. I thought you would have heard about that, but I suppose you've been at school." His eyes inexplicably slid to Severus, who met his gaze with cold indifference.

"Ah, well, Petunia likes her secrets_,_" Lily replied, shooting a smile at her terse sister across the room who let out an unintelligible squeak.

After all the food was laid out and everyone was seated Vernon continued his overly loud conversation with Mr. Evans as he shoveled chicken pieces into his mouth. With no one looking, Lily leaned over and whispered into Severus' ear, "At least they won't be married long: statistically, I think he must be due for a choking with how little, it seems, he chews his food."

Severus daintily patted his lips with his napkin as he whispered back, "I just worry the marriage will end with him eating your sister."

Lily snorted into her hand but shifted it into a cough under her sister's piercing glare. A moment too late, she realized the attention at the table had shifted to them and she had no time to head off the conversation.

"What was your name again, son? You said you were a neighbor?" Vernon asked across the table, pointing at Severus with his knife.

Severus did not appreciate being addressed as 'son' by anyone, let alone someone hardly his senior in age and certainly inferior in intelligence, but he let it go when he felt Lily's hand grip his knee under the table.

"Severus Snape," he answered, feeling more like a child than he ought to and greatly resenting the man who put him in that position.

Mrs. Evans, more like Lily in personality added, "Severus has been close to the family for ages. Lily and him have been friends since childhood and he lives just a street away." Lily smiled at her mother and Severus felt a wave of gratitude. Petunia on the other hand was rigid. Under the table Lily pushed her leg up against his and Severus quite suddenly felt that he could talk to this Vernon all night. Lily's affection coupled with Petunia's anger was proving to be far more enjoyable a combination than he had imagined.

"How long is it until you get out of this school of yours, Snape?" His beady eyes were squinting at him from across the table and under their stare, he suddenly felt very unwilling to behave, though he fought the unreasonable urge. He suspected Lily agreed as he felt her hand tighten over his knee and watched her eyes narrow.

But he felt perfectly composed. This simpleton was nothing. Barely fifteen, Severus was already more composed than this oafish man, and his lean stretched out figure stood taller than Vernon by a head. This man was just ridiculous in comparison to him. with a small sneer he answered, "Lily and I have three years left at...St. Mildgyth's," he answered with a steady glance to Petunia who was tensely perched over her barely touched plate of food.

Severus casually took a bite and chewed slowly, watching Vernon through narrowed eyes. He had a feeling where this was going.

"What does your father do for a living, son?" There was that demeaning monicker again and Severus' eyes turned sharp. It seemed even in the muggle world, parental roots mattered to the petty.

Every one at the dinner table had stilled considerably. Mr. Snape was somewhat of an unmentioned figure in the household. Lily knew well enough what kind of man Tobias was and the rest of the family easily guessed. Children who are well loved and well treated generally don't turn out like Severus Snape.

The Evans were looking uncomfortable. They were far too polite to ask after his home affairs, but Severus hadn't forgotten all the little treats Mrs. Evans would tuck into his coat pockets on his way out the door with a wink, nor the gentle and kind shaving lesson Mr. Evans had given him when he turned thirteen. They went out of their way to help him in any small way they could and while the embarrassment of occasionally needing their help was debilitating, they were two people he would never injure.

"He works at the old Factory," Severus answered simply, taking a sip from his water glass.

"Is that where you're headed after school?" Vernon had a habit of speaking with his mouth open and half masticated bits of food were clearly visible around his words.

"I rather think not," Severus answered calmly. Petunia's lips were pursed so tightly together they had practically vanished.

"Nothing wrong with a little hard work," Vernon said knowingly to Mr. Evans, already turned away from Severus as if he wasn't a part of the conversation. A mock look of thoughtfulness bloomed on Lily's pale face and Severus hid a grin behind his water glass. He could feel the air around her electrifying as she honed in on Vernon's next words. "Everyone needs a way to pay the bills and _some_ people just aren't designed for _management_."

"Very right indeed, Vernon." Lily piped up. "Severus always struck me as more of an _intellectual_ than a factory employee, if you know what I mean," Lily spoke sweetly aloud to the group. "He's always at the top of our classes, one step ahead of everyone else. I always pictured him _inventing_ the things lesser people might _manage_ the construction of." Lily was insolently staring down Vernon who was turning an uncomfortable shape of magenta. "What do you think, Sev?" she asked, turning a radiant smile towards her best friend who was having a hard time not basking in her praise.

"Yes, you know, I just recently had an interesting idea involving circuit boards and drill bits..." Lily's grin widened and underneath the table, her hand found his and she squeezed.

The rest of dinner, Vernon made an obvious effort to ignore the two teenagers at the table and went out of his way to monopolize the conversation. Whatever pretentious, overbearing thoughts sidled through his head (and Severus, his watchful dark eyes never missing Vernon's surreptitious glances, was very sure there were plenty) he kept to himself. Lily's hand, meanwhile, stayed firmly intertwined with his own.

After Vernon had driven off into the night and Petunia had stomped up the stairs, Lily and Severus stood at the door, making a good show of saying goodbye to one another. Lily gently closed the front door after him and kissed her mother and father goodnight before climbing the stairs to her bedroom. She quietly turned the lock in her own door before creeping to the window and descending the rose trellis on the side of her house. Severus stood waiting for her below and steadied her the last few feet with his hands on her hips.

They crept silently out of her yard. Once they'd turned the corner, Lily chuckled. "Oh yes, this was much less a disaster with you, Sev," she sighed with a gentle smile turned in his direction and his heart jumped. "But I can't forgive him for what he said about you, or rather what he implied."

Severus' pale face glowed white in the moonlight, his severe features dramatically defined in the darkness. "Ah, but it was his love of implication that did him in. No doubt he stings from your too knowing remarks."

Lily laughed as she slipped her arm through Severus', much to the boy's pleasure.

The walk back to his home was short and familiar. Without Tobias, the little house on Spinner's End seemed almost cozy to return to, especially since they both could walk in the front door.

* * *

><p>The summer passed slowly with little ado, but it was the best few months of Severus' life.<p>

Frequently, he and Lily would walk into town and sneak in the back door of the theaters to catch a few shows. Lily had discovered the door their first summer back from Hogwarts but it was Severus' unusual skill at detecting when someone else was on the other side that let them return to it again and again.

They spent whole days in the theater, Lily's arm linked in his, cozying up in the darkness and whispering in each others ears. To Severus, it was paradise.

At fifteen, Lily was fast turning into a woman before his eyes. He had thought she was radiant as a child, but as her limbs stretched out and her waist narrowed, she looked to him otherworldly. Her summer muggle clothes consisted mostly of cut off jeans and t-shirts that didn't quiet cover the creamy expanse of her stomach, so anytime she lifted her arms, he was rewarded with a peek of her soft skin. Best of all, despite their growing bodies, she still held onto him with the fervor she did as a child so he needn't make excuses to wrap his arm around her shoulders or tussle her wild hair. Without Potter or any other foolish Slytherin classmate around to chastise him for his affection, he didn't stop himself from enjoying her casual touches and hugs.

He particularly liked walking arm in arm with her around town after catching a few shows. He could see the way the local muggle boys looked Lily up and down. It simultaneously thrilled him that such a beautiful girl was on _his_ arm and infuriated him that such simple muggles thought they were worthy enough to look at her so indecently.

One time a good looking blond bloke approached her while they walked along the small street littered with businesses. "Fancy going out, sometime," he'd asked her and Severus had firmly gripped the wand hidden up his sleeve but Lily had only laughed.

"Hardly! I've already got someone to take me out," she'd answered, squeezing Severus' arm as they strolled away. He was in ecstasy.

Some days they lazed about in the clearing near the river, reading books or talking nonsense, and some days they spent drifting through the house in Spinner's End, now much more inviting since Tobias still had made no appearance. Sometimes Lily would frown and look at Severus in such a way that he just knew she was wondering about his father, but she never voiced her concerns aloud. He was too happy, something she could rarely ever say he was, and she was reluctant to take that away from him.

In the evenings, Lily would slip away to eat a terse dinner with her family (more and more frequently joined by Vernon) and wedding planning would permeate the conversation. Indeed, Petunia seemed occupied with only two things: stoutly ignoring Lily and swooning with soon to be marital bliss. In fact, quite early on in the summer, amongst her other wedding plans, Petunia announced at dinner that her two bridesmaids would be Claudia and Fanny, her school friends.

"And Lily, of course," Mrs. Evans interjected hopefully but Petunia scowled and Lily sighed. She had seen this one coming.

"No. I want to keep it a close-knit little group of _dependable_ people," Petunia scoffed and Lily rolled her eyes.

"But Petunia, she's your sister," Mrs. Evans added sternly, but Lily shrugged.

"It's alright, Mum. Let her do what she wants. It's her wedding," and she'd risen and excused herself while a whispered conversation continued on behind her, her parents arguing her case to Petunia but she heard her sisters adamantly negative response.

Lily really didn't care, at least not enough to want to force herself into the wedding party. It stung decently to be so rejected by her own sister, especially when memories of childhood promises flitted through her thoughts, but it wasn't anything Lily hadn't been expecting. Their friendship had long since dissolved and she was the only one who mourned it.

After Lily bid goodnight to her parents, she'd sneak out the window, frequently to find Severus waiting for her below. They'd stay up late, chatting on his dingy mattress or brewing potions in the kitchen.

She'd walk home in the light of dawn, mulling over her slowly transforming feelings for Severus in her time alone. He was her dearest friend, her most beloved ally, and she simply couldn't imagine her life without him.

He had grown up quite a bit since she had first seen him, flying out of the bushes at her like an overlarge bat. He was much taller than her now, taller than many of their classmates, and his face had lost what very little boyish roundness it used to have and turned to sharp structured points. She had heard her friends discuss his looks negatively, but she was rather fond of his hard features and large nose. They were distinctly his, distinctly Severus, and she couldn't imagine him looking any other way.

She'd climb back up the trellis into her room and sleep a few hours before waking and repeating the process. Honestly, between the exciting new tension between her and Severus and their near constant company, it was one of her best summers as well.

Lately, sometimes her stomach would flip when he touched her shoulder, or a warmth would spread through her body when she caught the dark, half lidded gaze he sometimes cast her way. To her, this new change was electrifying. She wondered frequently if he felt the same way, and suspected that he did. She knew enough about him to understand that his devoted, albeit slightly twisted kindness to her was utterly unique. Everyone else he looked upon with disdain. That thought didn't entirely please her but it did send a little thrill up her spine.

And while she had overheard other girls express a new found anxiety in their dealings with boys, her shifting feelings didn't cause her any stress. It felt natural to her to move forward with Severus, even if only a year ago, she would never have thought of him as a potential boyfriend. Though sometimes she wondered how much of that had to do with their distinctly different life out in Cokeworth.

They carefully avoided talking about the turbulence in the wizarding world. Lily and Severus usually both got the prophet when they were home for the holidays, desperate for a connection to the magic they so dearly missed, but in an unspoken agreement, they let the unrest brewed up by the unnamed Dark Lord disappear for the summer months, left behind in Hogwarts so the two of them could coexist peacefully and avoid their ever more frequent fights.

But that didn't mean Lily didn't think of it often. She only kept her thoughts to herself. She knew enough from overhearing the muggle news on television that more and more people were mysteriously disappearing, showing up dead with no visible signs of attack, and strange weather and natural disasters periodically tore up small towns. The Dark Lord she had heard whispered about it the halls of Hogwarts was gaining strength and followers, and his cruelty knew no bounds.

Whispers of the Dark Lord weren't the only thing Lily couldn't quite shake by returning home. While she periodically exchanged a few letters with Remus over summer break, James Potter wrote her twice a week, asking after her home life, implying he'd like to visit her muggle house, and suggesting they meet up in Diagon Alley.

Lily generally only glanced over the letters, not quite willing to be so cruel as to leave them unopened, but she never wrote back. That hardly deterred him though, as he slowly began filling his letters with sketches and anecdotes from his own summer in his thoroughly magic home in which Sirius, Remus and Peter were all crashing. She didn't like to think it, but the short little letters entertained her and made her laugh but most importantly reminded her of the world she felt so distant from all the way out in Cokeworth.

As the summer wore on, she finally resigned herself to write back a single letter, one she knew she couldn't avoid. When Potter's handsome tawny owl delivered her his regular Friday update near the end of July, it acted very surprised when she stopped it from swooping back out the window, sitting tentatively on the windowsill as if it thought it might be a trap. He peered at her knowingly while she wrote out carefully:

Potter-

I never knew your love of hearing yourself talk translated to letter writing as well, though I find myself wondering why this sort of dedication never makes its way into your studies. Perhaps then some good would come of your stubbornness.

However, I politely request you cease your onslaught of mail for the rest of the summer. My sister's wedding is approaching and as of the end of the week, distant relations are to be pouring in. Your owl would likely cause quite a stir seeing as all of them are muggles.

Enjoy the end of your summer.

-Evans

She studied the note for a moment before adding as an afterthought:

P.S. Next time try _munda et luculentam._That should clean the doxy powder Peter's face without taking his nose with it.

She gently attached it to the tawny owl's leg while he hopped across the sill with excitement and he gave her a gentle nip before flying off into the night.

She was quite surprised when less than a week later, a thick parchment envelope bearing James' slanted scrawl came via muggle post.

Evans-

You should know by now that I'd never let you off that easy. Remus helped me put this together, though I'm still not entirely clear about how little sticky pictures serve as payment.

I'm thrilled you spend your free time worrying about my grades and I send my congratulations on to your sister. I didn't even know you had a sister. If she's anything like you, then I'm dying to meet her. Perhaps next summer when I swing by your parents to ask for _your_ hand.

By the way. that _munda et luculentam_ worked brilliantly, though Pete's nose is still growing back from the first try.

-Potter

She sighed resignedly and added this new letter to the growing stack in her bottom desk drawer.

* * *

><p>By the time August rolled around, Petunia's wedding was in full swing. Scheduled for the middle of the month, distant relations and Petunia's school friends began trickling in to the normally quiet Evan's home and soon the little house felt a lot less like home to Lily. No one but her immediate family knew of her magical abilities and so she had to lock up all her school books, hide all her moving photographs, and carefully tuck away her trunk. Any mention of magic was strictly forbidden by Petunia who apparently had mastered a way to pull Lily's hair when she was displeased without ever being caught in the act.<p>

Lily's bedroom was given up to her Great Aunt Marcie, Petunia's room was infested with her tittering friends, the guest room had been taken by Vernon's incorrigible sister Marge and even the couches were covered by Vernon's cousins. Lily was designated a camp bed in the attic which she swiftly moved to the backyard where the summer heat was less cloying. She didn't mind. It was easier than ever to sneak over to Spinner's End.

The morning of Petunia's wedding, Lily returned home early, before the sun rose, just to make sure she was in the little camp bed by the time anyone was stirring. She was glad she took the precaution too because just as the sun was beginning to gray the skyline, she was unceremoniously shaken awake.

She blearily rubbed her eyes and Petunia came into focus above her looking pale and gaunt in the cold morning light. "Can I help you with something, Petunia?" Lily asked sleepily as she tried to gauge the time. It couldn't be later than five in the morning. She sat up groggily and patted the spot next to her but Petunia stood rigidly in front of her, her sour face pinched in thought.

"Petunia?" Lily asked again, feeling nervous in her sister's moment of awkward silence. She vaguely wonder if she was being uninvited from the wedding, though she knew the only reason she was able to attend in the first place was because otherwise their parents would throw a fit.

"Not so long ago, you said you'd let me have my way today, since it's my wedding," Petunia started and Lily's groggy brain felt confused.

"Not my exact words, but yes, in theory. Why? Is there a favor you want?" Lily was exhausted but she was beginning to understand where this might be going.

"I don't want...I mean you musn't..." Petunia struggled a moment before spitting out, "Don't bring that awful boy around to the wedding. One freak is quite enough." Petunia's long face twisted bitterly at the thought.

Lily looked up into her older sister's face somewhat sadly and replied, "Yeah, Tuney. I know. He knows too. Everyone does." Lily turned her face down to look into the hands palm up in her lap. She didn't realize until Petunia had voiced her concerns that she had been hoping for a more meaningful conversation. Maybe some sisterly heart to heart the morning of her wedding. Lily frowned as she thought about how foolish she had been.

"Good," Petunia added crisply, releasing a shaky breath. "Just wanted to be sure." She stood a moment before striding back into the house. Lily stretched back out onto the camp bed and sighed.

That night, Severus shifted quietly on his undressed mattress with a book in hand, his thoughts yet again traveling to Lily Evans. She had dropped by for hardly an hour earlier, somewhat listlessly describing to him the wedding morning insanity her house had been thrown into. It was already bulging with guests, but with the arrival of more and more of Vernon's family and Petunia's mad preparations, it sounded like absolute turmoil.

She had even slipped into her party dress in the hall bathroom since she had no privacy back home. It was another green number, lacy and summery and she'd had to ask him to help button up the back. His fingers had burned, so near her flesh and the smooth expanse of her back was inscribed into his retinas.

She had slipped out with a halfhearted smile.

Severus didn't think it was likely she'd make it back tonight but he'd left the front door unlocked just in case.

At around two in the morning, he gave up on his hopes of her stopping by and locked the front door before returning to him room where an uneven tapping was shaking his window frame. He forced up the casement and Lily somewhat haphazardly tumbled into his room.

"Lily! Why didn't you come in the front door? I've only just now locked it," Severus scolded while helping Lily to her feet, but one look at the goofy grin plastered across her face told him everything he needed to know.

"Oh! I forgot about the front door!" she laughed merrily, slightly teetering on her high heeled feet, her words a little slurred.

"You're drunk," Severus stated aloud disappointed, as he backed Lily up until she plopped down onto his mattress, but she only laughed.

"Lighten up, Sev. I didn't mean to be but there was _nothing_ else to do. I've never been so bored in my life," she answered dramatically, picking at the straps on her high heels but swaying dramatically from side to side.

Severus stood before her with his hands on his hips.

"Don't be angry, Sev," she pleaded with him as she steadied herself with a hand on the floor. She squinted up at him seriously before asking,"Would you like me to go?"

"God no," he answered, knelling down in front of her and unbuckling the thin straps of her shoes. Just imagining how dangerous the walk here had been for her alone in this state sent a jolt of anger through his body. "I've just never seen you so far gone," he added, slipping her heels off her feet and arranging them nearly beside the mattress.

"Ah, yes," she replied with another laugh. "I'm not much of a drinker. Maybe at a few quidditch victory parties, but this was a _special occasion_. It's not everyday your only older sister gets married to a beached whale."

Severus couldn't help but grin at that. There was some part of him that deeply relished the few vindictive statements Lily uttered. "Was it the fairytale wedding Petunia always dreamed of then?" he asked. Such questions would never cross his lips with anyone else, but every syllable from Lily was valuable him. Even if he did look upon her sister's wedding with utmost scorn.

"Oh yes, it was _lovely_," Lily sarcastically simpered. "Vernon's brood overran the place and I must say, awfulness appears to be a family trait. Though I suspect Petunia would have had a much fairer time were I not present."

The last statement was said jokingly but Severus caught the unhappiness lurking beneath the surface. Though Petunia was rotten and cruel, Lily just couldn't seem to let her sister go, something which baffled Severus who considered himself much more of the 'cut and run' type. He wondered if it was a sibling thing or if it was a Lily thing.

"Well, it's good she's found a match in personality at least."

Lily laughed at that, a somewhat half-hearted laugh as she laid back down on the mattress and closed her eyes. "It would be absolutely wonderful if the world would stop spinning," Lily said aloud and Severus tutted, tugging her legs up onto the mattress as well and helping her rearrange herself into a sleeping position.

"No use but to sleep it off," he told her but he didn't need to, her eyes were already closed and her breathing evening out.

"Don't let me sleep in, okay?" she asked without opening her eyes as Severus sat down on the ground next to her head.

"Yes, of course," he answered but she had already drifted off, her face relaxed on his pillow.

He sat for a while studying her features. She looked peaceful in sleep, but a small frown crinkled the skin between her eyebrows, no doubt Petunia's doing. With Lily thoroughly out, he slowly brought a long pale finger to her forehead and smooth the small crease. His hand drifted to her hair where it gently brushed a stray lock of fiery red from her face, tucking it smoothly behind her ear.

If he thought about it too hard, he was stunned that such a radiant creature was asleep in his bed. It always surprised him a little that Lily chose his company over so many others, but then again, he felt strongly that they were destined to be together. In no other sense did he share such sentimental thoughts, especially those that put his own life out of his hands, but surely it must have been divine intervention that lead to his bond with this young witch. How else could they have found each other, two magical people trapped in the awful muggle world, so close in age and only a block and a half apart.

Lily was the one source of pleasure in his otherwise tedious life, though he would soon be above the mundane circumstances of his current situation. He had long since gained a tentative sense of respect from his fellow Slytherins and his other foolish classmates mattered very little to him. It was through his dorm mates connections that he would be introduced to this rising Dark Lord and through him that he would gain enough notoriety and respect to shame the bastards at school that made his daily life a living hell.

And of course Lily would come around. She always did. She was far too clever not to. Besides, they were bound together in ways _Potter _couldn't possibly understand, in ways he could never ever compete with.

His finger traced over her lower lip, the softness of her skin sending tingles down his spine. He could convince her, when the time came. Once they left school and she wasn't being poisoned by those idiot Gryffindors, he would return to being her only ally, her only friend, which was exactly how he preferred their relationship to be. They would be a team again, uninterrupted by sneaking marauders or silly girls. Just the two of them.

In a moment of daring, he leaned over her, his lanky dark hair curtaining their faces as he pressed his lips against hers. He pulled back to judge her reaction but she didn't stir.

Stretching his legs out in front of him and leaning against the mattress, he decided this was definitely the best summer of his life. But there would be better. He would make sure of that.


	7. Foul

Foul

1976

_Mudblood._

The word echoed infinitely in her head in the familiar deep voice of her best friend, the agony of it wearing a hole in her heart.

In a distant way, she felt proud of her cool response, hurtful as it was. She had barely managed to keep collected long enough to be out of sight from that terrible gathering near the lake before making a mad sprint into the Forbidden Forest. There, deep enough in the woods that the light had dimmed, she sank down against a tree and allowed herself to cry bitter tears.

As if she wasn't already keenly aware of how inferior she felt compared to her classmates from magical families. This world was still so new to her, there was still so much she didn't know. But she had been confident that Severus would see her through it, steadily explaining to her the things she didn't understand, the way he had their entire childhood.

He was the one who told her what 'mudblood' meant, an October afternoon their first year. Mulciber had hissed it to her in Potions class after Slughorn commended her yet again for excellent work. It wasn't until the rest of the class cleared out that she turned to Severus, a frown wrinkling her brow.

"What does that mean, Severus? Mudblood?" she had asked quietly while she wiped up their table and Severus packed his cauldron away. His hands stilled for a moment over his books and his head rotated slowly to look at her face.

"Where did you hear that?" he asked in a very serious voice and Lily frowned.

"Mulciber, of course." Severus stared at her a moment unblinkingly. "I mean, it's obviously nothing good, but what _exactly_ does it mean?"

Severus studied her freckled face carefully before answering. "Some people..." He paused a moment before correcting himself, "some _purebloods_ think that muggleborns... dirty... the wizarding race."

Lily frowned and dropped her gaze to her already worn potion textbook.

"They tend to find themselves superior in every matter, though of course Mulciber himself is proof that no amount of pure blood proves talent," he finished up smartly, thoroughly engrossed with Lily's bent figure, but she didn't look up.

"I asked you once before... whether my muggle family mattered. You told me it didn't." She finally lifted her emerald green eyes up to meet his black ones and the pain and confusion in their depths made Severus scowl.

"And it doesn't. Not to anyone with half a brain, anyways," he firmly replied, and though it didn't necessarily close her thoughts on the matter, it was good enough for her that Severus didn't mind where she came from.

In fact, she had hinged so much of her understanding of Severus on that tiny contingent of his personality that his utterance of_ that word _completely changed the shape of their relationship.

Looking back at it now, it was clear for Lily to see that over the course of their fifth year, he had been drifting further from her comfortable reach. He spent more time with Avery and Mulciber and sometimes she'd catch the two Slytherin bullies hexing underclassmen while Severus looked on, bored. His invented curses and hexes had taken a step past clever and into cruel. And the near incident with Remus still sent shivers down her spine. There was something malicious in her childhood friend, she had always known that, but that wasn't all there was to him.

Despite all his harsh behavior, she was adamantly convinced that he was better than his Slytherin friends. After all, how much like the arrogant purebloods could he be when he was _her _best friend? He could look past her blood status, so certainly he wasn't so blinded by hate as the jerks he surrounded himself with. He valued intelligence over upbringing, and Lily couldn't disagree with that. He was an uncannily intelligent young man, and far more mature than any of their fellow classmates in a lot of ways. It made sense to her that he'd pick his company carefully. It even made her feel special that she was his _best_ friend.

But as she wearily stretched herself out on the forest floor, she wondered how long there had been a part of Severus Snape that was ashamed of her.

Her own dorm mates had never understood her relationship with the sullen Slytherin. Her sister had outright scorned it. But for the majority of their time together, Lily had never second guessed Severus Snape. Even when he condoned the violence his house was famous for, even when he dropped hints that the Dark Lord appealed to him, she was confident they could weather whatever mess they got into together because when it came to each other, they were always on the same team.

She sighed as a fresh wave of tears dripped down her temples and were lost in her fire red hair.

Apparently not anymore. At some point, the strange child who had vehemently told her that she was valuable, even without wizarding heritage, had grown into a teenager who questioned her worth by the same standards he had previously ridiculed.

It changed everything.

How much of their relationship had been one sided? How many times had she depended on him when he found her no more than a burden. Lily laid on the leafy forest floor feeling the weight of her own broken heart crushing her.

It seemed she really had lost him for good.

* * *

><p>After moping in the forest for the rest of the afternoon and evening, she quietly slipped across the darkened grounds back to castle. She made a stop in the bathroom on the way to the common room and did her best to pick the leaves and nettles out of her hair and will her eyes to look less red.<p>

Lily frowned at herself in the mirror, trying to remember the spell that Mary had used to clear her face of any trace of tears when Sirius had dumped her, but it alluded her. The other girls had mastered these small superficial spells ages ago but Lily had never learned them. She had no witch mother to teach her these tricks at home and while her dorm mates were exchanging spells that braided their hair and cleaned up their faces, she had been brewing Baruffio's Brain Elixir in a hidden corner of the dungeon with Severus.

She huffed and stormed out of the bathroom, angry at her own ability to upset herself.

Back in the common room, she was bombarded by her dorm mates. "Where have you been, Lily!? We've been worried sick," Mary started in on her, jumping to her feet once Lily cleared the portrait. Always quick to temper, Lily assumed Mary had lost whatever sympathy she might have felt earlier during the long wait for her return.

Alice followed close behind Mary looking concerned and much to Lily's chagrin, James Potter stood a little ways off, miserable and shamefaced. Lily never felt more dislike for the boy in her life.

"Just around. Cooling my head," Lily said, trying to sound nonchalant and impressed at her own forced indifference.

"Poor Lily," Alice added timidly, taking Lily by the arm and squeezing a bit. Lily tried to smile but it felt more like a grimace. "I'm sure he didn't mean it..." Alice added quietly, trailing off, looking for all the world like she wanted to say something reassuring but couldn't figure out what that could possibly be.

"I knew he was rotten from the start," Mary added haughtily and while Lily figured it was meant to be supportive, it only stung. The group hovered around the couches in front of the fire, Alice trying to coax Lily into sitting down but the redhead stood her ground.

Other Gryffindor students were turned towards her, glances shot over books in her direction. Potter and the other Marauders were watching her guiltily and she had a sudden urge to flee. Lily was quiet a moment before giving in to that temptation. "I think I'm going to bed." She felt like she should make some sort of excuse but suddenly _mudblood_ replayed itself through her head and all she wanted to do was climb into bed and sleep until it didn't matter anymore. Until she couldn't feel anymore.

"Want company?" Alice asked but Lily shook her head and pulled away from the group, making a beeline for the stairs. A hand on her arm stopped her before she could reach the first step.

"Wait, Evans..." James started but she cut him off.

Turning her head just a fraction so she could glare into his brown eyes she hissed, "Don't talk to me." She tugged her arm out of his grasp and rushed up the stairs, throwing herself on her bed and tearlessly sobbing into her pillow.

A while later, Mary's tentative knocked on the dorm door roused Lily from her tumultuous sleep. "He's downstairs Lily, out in the hall. He says he wants to speak to you." Lily turned and stared at Mary with an utterly deadpan expression. Alice peeked in at her from over Mary's shoulder. "I know, I know. It's just... he says he won't leave until you come, that he'll stay there all night if he has to."

Lily faced the ceiling for a moment silently recuperating. She had no idea what to say to him or what she wanted. An apology didn't seem like enough. With a single word, he had cast doubt upon their entire relationship and unless he could somehow restore her faith in his feelings for her, she doubted talking would make any difference.

But she had to admit it: she was curious.

So she covered her rumpled school uniform with a dressing gown and climbed down the stairs leaving Mary and Alice in the dorm. It was late and even the Marauders had abandoned the common room except for Potter, loitering about the portrait hole anxiously. When he saw her, he lowered his eyes and wordlessly stepped out of her way so she could climb out into the hall.

The conversation was exactly what she had expected. He apologized vehemently but it didn't melt her frozen heart. He didn't deny his interest in becoming a death eater, in joining a group of people working at large to terrorize witches and wizards of her blood status.

When she asked him why she would be any different, there was a lengthy pause. She could read in his eyes what he was unwilling to tell her. He loved her. Looking at him now she could clearly see it written across his face.

But the mere fact that he wouldn't say it only further cemented to her his own shame for loving a muggleborn and she turned away from him, heartbroken.

On the other side of the portrait, James waited for her, blocking her path to the dormitory stairs.

His eyes darted between hers as he tried to read her expression. "Evans, I didn't think," he started with but stopped at Lily's empty gaze. "I mean, you've fought before right, I've seen it." He licked his lips and struggled on since Lily only looked at him vacantly. "He apologized and you forgave him. Now everything's all patched up like usual, right?" he added sounding somewhere between despairing and hopeful.

Lily blinked as it hit her as a solid thought for the first time since Severus uttered those two syllables. "Not this time," she answered and morosely pushed past James to the stairs.

* * *

><p>The last week at school was a nightmare.<p>

Between the wounded looks Severus bored into the back of her head during breakfast the morning after and the near constant attention from Potter, Lily felt like she was losing her mind.

Luckily, after finishing their O.W.L.s, they got the rest of the week off of classes so it was easier for her to avoid Severus, her work partner in so many lessons. She would arrive either early or late for meals and generally only to grab a handful of whatever she could carry and carting it off to a disused corner of the castle.

James dogged her every footstep. He strategy swung between apologizing to her with uncharacteristic seriousness and harping on about Severus being a git. Neither of those made her feel any better so she did her best to avoid him as well, though he was harder to lose. Somehow he managed to find her no matter how abandoned or reclusive the hiding spot she found.

The girl's dorm was only moderately more safeguarded. Potter might not be able to get in, but Mary could, and she was almost just as tiresome. Lily tried her best to look unaffected but sometimes it slipped. She might feel miserable, lost and desperately lonely, but she didn't want to worry her friends so she smiled and laughed at all the right places.

Only sometimes her concentration would falter and her thoughts would drift to Severus and the despair must have been evident on her face. Mary would see Lily's expression and gripe about Snape as well, no matter how many times Alice quietly 'shushed' her from her bed.

As summer break drew near, James grew more and more desperate to win over Lily's forgiveness. Indeed, her cold reception to even his most lavish apologies worried him. Normally when she was upset with him, she wasted no time spewing biting insults and clever remarks, but the despair on this wane looking Lily was torture to him.

One morning as she slipped into the great hall, he sidled up to her. She had spared a surreptitious glance over to the Slytherin table and finding Severus absent, she sighed in relief, but it was short lived as James cantered over.

"Evans! I've already made you a plate," he said, flourishing a dish overflowing with intermingling breakfast foods which Lily glanced at absently.

"No thanks," Lily stated plainly, wrapping up a few pieces of toast in a napkin and slipping away as James frowned after her.

As she crossed the entryway, a sudden compulsion made her glance over her shoulder at the stairs descending into the dungeon and her heart froze instantly. She had inadvertently locked eyes with Severus Snape, climbing the stairs with Mulciber and Avery. His eyes were already trailing her when she glanced back and she stopped momentarily in the shock of seeing Severus for the first time in a few days. In the time she paused, his two companions spotted her and malicious glee spread across their faces in near identical smirks.

She ripped her gaze away from Snape and flitted through the door, escaping into the brisk air of early morning. The guffaws that followed her out stopped her in her tracks. "_Flipendo,_" she muttered, casting her wand in the Slytherins' direction, and felt righteous satisfaction seeing the grins slip from their faces as an invisible force knocked them off their feet.

She turned and left the castle, trying not to think about how easily Severus could have blocked her spell.

Storming across the grounds, she threw herself down at the edge of the lake and scowled as she nibbled on a piece of toast, throwing the rest into the water. As she absently watched, the giant squid collected the pieces of bread with his tentacles and pulled them under the surface.

Severus had looked horrible. More gaunt than ever before, black circles rimmed his eyes, making them look even more sunken than last she saw him. His expression was somewhere between bitter and miserable and it twisted his face into something ugly.

As she stretched her legs out in front of her, she wondered how much better she looked and doubted much.

* * *

><p>It was hard not to feel completely alone without her best friend.<p>

It amazed her to discover how much of her daily routine she had shaped around Severus.

While Lily had been spending time developing a relationship that had disintegrated in mere moments, her dorm mates had bonded, and grown close. They weren't unkind to Lily, and she certainly considered them her friends, but spending time with them made her feel rather like a third wheel. They had inside jokes and a deep understanding of one another's nature. Lily felt vaguely like an intruder.

Remus was a friend but she could still clearly picture him sitting a small distance away as another student was humiliated. She didn't often chastise him for standing apart while the Marauders bullied other students but what she had witnessed beside the lake was a new low. And the things Potter and Black had said and done far surpassed their usual torment.

The last morning at Hogwarts, Mary, Alice and Lily all awoke early to pack their belongings in their trunks before breakfast. Lily had been in a comparatively good mood as she listened to Mary's plans for the summer.

"Well, my brother's been in Uganda working with the Pygmy people there, terribly magic you know, and my Mum and Dad want to swing by and visit him. I've never been to Africa, so it should be exciting," Mary said with fervor. Lily piled her school uniforms into her trunk neatly. She wondered if any of her magic born friends even vaguely understood how much it blew her mind that their families could 'swing by' Africa on a whim. She doubted it.

"What about you Alice," Mary asked while chucking rolled up socks onto her bed.

Alice blushed and ducked her head underneath her bed on the pretext of finding a book. "Nothing really. We always go to France for a few weeks during July to visit my aunt. And then...well..." her muffled reply came from below the mattress while Lily and Mary exchanged a look. "I might have some plans to meet up with Frank in Diagon Alley..." she added before peeking over the edge of her bed. She was met by two pairs of raised eyebrows.

"That's great Alice," Lily said encouragingly while she dug her hand deep into her magically extended drawers, checking that nothing was left behind.

"Frank's a good fellow, Alice. Well done. I bet I can rope Sirius into a double if you like," Mary added enthusiastically and Lily allowed herself to frown since she was facing away from her friends.

They both had floo networks linking their houses to anywhere magic they could possibly want to go. For Lily, it would be an hour and a half long ride on the tunnel and a long walk to the Leaky Cauldron. Summer out in Cokeworth would drag.

"What are your plans, Lil..?" Mary started casually but Alice's whispered "_Mary"_ silenced her. Lily screwed on a smile and turned around. Mary looked guilty and Alice was frowning sympathetically.

Lily shrugged with great effort. "Nothing at all really. Probably just spending time with my Mum," Lily said, turning back to her trunk to stack her school books next to her folded shirts. "Counting down the days 'til next term," she spoke to their worn and abused covers.

Mary and Alice smiled at her sentiment but she knew they could never understand how serious she was when she said it. For them, the summer would be filled with magic, adventures, and from the sounds of it, romance. Lily's summer would be filled with doubt, loneliness, and a complete and utter absence of anything magic. But they didn't need to know about that.

She latched her trunk lid and turned back to her still packing friends. "Well, I'm going to head down first. If I don't see you, will you save me a seat on the train?" She may as well prepare herself for breaking the tradition of riding the Hogwarts Express with Severus.

The common room was a mess of Gryffindors of all ages digging through couch cushions and under chairs for misplaced items but Lily drifted through the chaos without seeing it. She walked right past the Marauders and didn't even notice when James called out, "Alright, Evans?"

It was early enough that a lot of the halls were still empty, though soon they'd be swarming with students making their last rounds before leaving for the summer. Her feet were leading her to the Great Hall but she stopped suddenly and turned into an unused classroom.

All the desks had been neatly piled against the wall and a thin carpet of dust covered the floor, dulling Lily's footsteps as she crossed the room to the windows and threw one open. She seated herself on the casement and looked out onto the vast green lawns of Hogwarts, the early morning light glinting off the lake, but her eyes saw none of it.

She was thousands of miles away, trying to picture what her dreary town would look like without Severus Snape to liven it up. How would she pass her time without his company? Even watching television was more entertaining with his deadpan criticisms, harsh though they had been. Summer in Cokeworth, especially after the absolute paradise that had been last year's holiday, would not be the same without her childhood friend.

Lily sighed as a breeze carried in the fresh smell of early summer. Looking on the bright side, at least Petunia wouldn't be around much. From her mother's letters, Lily had the impression that Petunia only left the sanctuary of her suburban house once month for a visit, and never stayed longer than dinner. If she really needed to, Lily could find some little hideout to avoid Petunia on those few evenings. She thought the movie theater or maybe the river would be safe, but with a curse she realized that all her local hideouts were also Severus' and she didn't want to risk running into him.

What troubled her most about the prospect of a summer so near Severus and so very alone was her own fragility. If ever she was going to concede and forgive him, it would be over the holiday, and she desperately didn't want that to happen. She could already feel a rising desire to see him strengthening in her gut.

She didn't want to forgive him, even if a part of her already had. He had broken her heart and she wouldn't allow herself to open up to him again, not with the mysterious war's mounting casualties. She couldn't hate Severus for slipping into the darkness but she couldn't watch it happen up close either.

No, she needed to distance herself from him, and this summer would be the test of her merit.

A gentle knock startled Lily out of her reverie and she spun around as the door slipped open. "I'm not in the mood, Potter," she called, expecting James' bespectacled face to peek at her from the door but instead finding the kind features of Remus Lupin looking in at her.

"Am I intruding?" he asked, hovering in the doorway.

She took in his scarred face and warm expression and sighed. "Not at all. Just... thinking. Come on in, it's quite the party."

He stepped into the classroom and joined her at the window, sitting on the other side of the sill. She could feel him studying her face but she kept her gaze directed outside, stretching past the dense forest and over the still snow capped mountains. "You don't have to worry," she said quietly, almost to herself. "I mean, I'll be okay. I just need time."

He shifted and his eyes traveled to the view outside as well. "I'm sorry, Lily," he said quietly to the bright morning sunshine. "We all wish we could take it back."

"I don't," Lily replied fiercely, but after a moment, she sighed again. "You must think me a fool. Everyone must."

His face turned sharply to look at her and she met his eyes as he vehemently responded, "No, Lily. I could never think you a fool. You are far too clever." She shrugged and his face turned thoughtful. He was much quieter when he added, "They are the fools. Anyone who can't appreciate you..." It was his turn to sigh as he ruffled his hair. Lily wondered if he had picked up James' habit. "You have a way of seeing inside of people, into what really matters. I suspect you'll be hurt more than once for that trait by people who can't understand the value of that sort of friendship. But you'll be rewarded tenfold by those who do."

A quick smile brightened her face as she willed the tears that had sprung to her eyes not to fall. "Jeez, Rem. That was eloquent." She chuckled a bit as she nudged his leg with her knee and a wolfish grin spread across his features.

He leaned his head back against the frame and glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. "You know, James is really torn up about it."

Lily rolled her eyes. "I don't give a rat's ass how Potter feels. He's a conceited prat who excels at bullying those less fortunate than he. He can afford some atonement."

"He's not all bad you know. His heart is in the right place. He's just a little... sheltered." When Lily 'tsked' and turned away, Remus continued, "I think he just couldn't understand the two of you together. It drove him crazy. But he never meant to hurt you, never meant for things to end up like this." Lily frowned. "He just can't help himself when it comes to you," Remus finished with a chuckle.

Lily was unimpressed. "That's not exactly reassuring. Not to mention incredibly stupid."

"I said he _might_ be a good person. I never said he was a great thinker."

"So I'm supposed to let it go, just because he didn't_ mean_ to?"

"No, Lily. You should let it go so you can be at peace." Lily exhaled slowly and nodded faintly. "He's surprisingly good company, you know. Besides, I think he'd be happy if you just returned to insults and shouts. He'd prefer you take your anger out on _him_..." At Lily's raised eyebrows he added, "He might be a little sick in the head."

That made her genuinely laugh for the first time in days and it made her feel lighter.

"Now let's get some breakfast. You're looking too thin," Remus said, standing up and gallantly offering her his arm.

They walked together into the Great Hall and she found that his company made the glance she got from a pale face surrounded by dark hair at the Slytherin table much easier to bear. She told herself not to turn and look at Severus, even if a little part of her wanted to, and she chose to sit with her back to his table, Remus at her side, serving her a heaping mound of eggs.

They chatted amiably and Lily wondered to herself briefly how one tiny conversation could make her feel so much better.

For a moment there was a lull in their otherwise steady conversation and she glanced up in time to see Remus whip his head back from looking in the direction of the door, his posture stiff. "Remus?" she asked tentatively, and before she could follow his gaze, she spotted a familiar face fast approaching looking far too happy to mean anything good for her.

James and Sirius wandered up next to her, James hiding a small hopeful grin. He stopped at her shoulder and propped a knee on the seat beside her. Sirius was next to him, his back facing her as he whistled some tune a little _too _cheerfully.

"Morning, Evans," James greeted her happily while a base instinct told Lily she had been caught in some sort of trap. She tried to turn around and throw her legs over the bench so she could make a run for it but Sirius' legs pushed up against her back. When she shifted to the other side, he shifted as well, blocking her in from behind.

Lily huffed and turned back to the table. Peter had slid up to the seat across from her looking thrilled. She scowled. Apparently this was some sort of set-up. She turned to Remus, but he adamantly refused to look at her. "So sorry Lily," he whispered, only half sincere.

She turned back to Potter who was holding a perfect daisy out to her with the shyest expression she'd seen on him yet. She eyed the small flower warily. "What?" she asked heatedly, glaring daggers at him. "What do you want?"

James ruffled his hair with his empty hand and looked at her sheepishly over his rounded glasses. "I know you're still upset," Lily rolled her eyes and he rushed to continue on, "And you have every right to be. But I _am_ sorry, and if you'd accept this small token, I promise to try to behave myself from now on." To conclude his point, he lowered the daisy to be eye level with Lily. "Please."

She, for her part, was somewhere between flabbergasted and furious. His serious apologies weren't near so sincere as this little half joking speech had been, but a few words and a _flower _weren't going to change her opinion of him.

She slowly raised an eyebrow as anger pooled up inside of her. "Try? You're going to _try_?!" She snatched the flower from in front of her face and stood, Sirius and Lupin sidestepping out of her way easily. "Really Potter, that's the best you can do? You are so bloody stupid!" The last three words she punctuated with little shoves at James' chest which only seemed to please him, a jovial smile spreading across his arrogant face.

With a sinking in her stomach, she suddenly realized the two of them were the center of everyone's attention in the Great Hall. Heads were turned to look at her and some students were laughing. With stinging clarity she felt Severus' eyes on the back of her head and she scowled before hopping over the bench and tearing away.

Sirius' barking laughter rang out behind her while she marched out of the Hall and James happily called after her. As an afterthought, before she turned the corner, she flicked her wand in their direction. She caught a brief glimpse of all the forks on the tables soaring towards the four Marauders to barrage the laughing boys with pokes from their tines.

It wasn't until she stopped to catch her breath in the courtyard that she realized she still held Potter's daisy tightly in her clenched fist.


	8. Fall Out

Fall Out

1976

Thick summer air drifted through Lily's open window and the June heat permeated every inch of her skin. Laying stretched out on her unmade twin bed, she tried to ignore the stifling heat but it was a losing battle. No breeze ruffled her curtains and it was hard to say whether the room was hotter with the window open or shut, but closing it meant crossing the room and she simply didn't have the energy.

Pretending to be alright was draining enough.

She had never been particularly fond of leaving Hogwarts for the holidays and had opted out of it as often as not, but summer spent in Cokeworth was unavoidable. Previously, her time at home would be her annual chance to reassert herself into Severus' life after the casual drifting apart during the school year, but this summer, there was no comfort in thoughts of Severus Snape.

The trip into London on the Hogwarts Express had been more tedious then ever before. She had always rode the train together with Severus, she had every year since the start. But this year, as she trudged through the corridor, she only caught one glimpse of him, sitting penitently alone, his dark eyes boring into her through the compartment window. She saw his solitude as a sign of contrition, but she hardened her heart and pushed past his car to join Alice and Mary.

After all, nothing could undo the damage he'd done.

Inevitably Mary, Alice and Lily were joined shortly after by the Marauders, and though Lily was miserable spending the whole train ride rebuffing James' advances and frowning over Sirius' biting criticisms of their fellow classmates, she was happier distracted by them then she would be alone. She at least still knew herself well enough to know that.

When the train pulled into the station, she made a beeline for her parents in an attempt to discreetly inform them that no, Severus would not be joining them on the car ride home, and yes, she was quite sure he would be alright on his own. Unfortunately, Potter had followed behind, unbeknownst to Lily, and when Mr. and Mrs. Evans' eyes landed on the broadly grinning face of her second least favorite person, the day hit a remarkable new low.

With a wink in her direction, he took each of her parent's hands in his and introduced himself loud enough for the surrounding students to overhear. "It's such a pleasure to finally meet you!" He was positively glowing as he shook their hands and Lily's none too discrete shove and pointed scowl didn't even phase him. "I'm James Potter, your future son in law."

Lily had nearly died of mortification and the sullen pale face watching from amongst the throng of students added a bitter tinge to her aggravation. She had groaned and turned away, leading her very confused parents out of the station.

She hadn't stop hearing about James Potter since. Her mother would casually observe that he had been a handsome boy, glowing with charisma, and her father would periodically ask to be reminded that Lily hadn't started dating anyone yet. It disturbed her; James' ability to upset her home life when he was miles away.

But worse than their amiable curiosity over James Potter were their anxious questions concerning Severus Snape.

Lily had somewhat tersely told her parents during the drive home that the two of them had a falling out, but she had refused to go into detail. Because she was so illusive over the matter, her parents sustained the idea that they would work it all out, and frequently encouraged her to forgive him.

Lily pretended to mull it over, pretended their fight was only half-hearted, and pretended that she wasn't utterly heart broken before swiftly changing the subject.

After all, despite how patient and loving her parents were, how could they ever understand what had so abruptly ended her friendship with Severus? Since the start, Lily had intentionally kept the magical world's warped views on blood status secret from them. It would break their hearts to know that her connection to them separated her from other witches and wizards, and if they had any idea how much it might endanger her in the future, they'd likely lose their minds with worry.

So she did her best to play the flaky teenager, the frivolous girl whose thoughts never drifted to Severus, even though it seemed to her a portion of her would never let him go.

It was lonely in Cokeworth without him. Without anywhere in particular to go, she spent most of her time at home, listening to records, reading whatever books were lying around the house, and helping her mother with the chores. But even as she forced herself to find activities to take up her time, she still spent much of the day lost in her own thoughts, and they had a penchant for drifting over the block and a half to Spinners End.

Remus wrote her once a week. She suspected he guessed at how bored and lonely she was and thus filled his letters with anecdotes from his own summer at the Potter's. Though she hated to admit it, imagining the four Marauders goofing around on some expansive wizarding estate made her miss Hogwarts a little more. Their summer sounded so lively and exciting. Without anything much to do, the only thing Lily anticipated was night time and the absence of thoughts that sleep brought.

Though sleep wasn't always comforting. Garbled dreams of winding corridors, searching for something she couldn't find, and the ever present thoughts of Severus though he never appeared. More than once her nightmares woke her in a sweat.

What worried her, perhaps more than her constant curiosity over Severus, were her slightly shifting thoughts concerning James Potter. Not long before, she saw him only as a bully and a prat, but now there was something else intermingling with the bad. Words like _stubborn_ and _determined_ drifted through her mind, and though she still could hardly tolerate him, she didn't roll her eyes at every mention of his name as she once had.

The perfect daisy he had forced upon her that final breakfast of last term remained utterly untouched by time, and it's magic was despairingly fascinating to her. It didn't wilt, or brown, or droop even the slightest bit, despite the fact that she frequently handled it's delicate stem. It's petals were still soft and velvety as if it just bloomed, and the fine little green hairs sprouting from the stem kept all their vibrancy, even as months passed.

She kept it on the nightstand next to her bed and often the nights she woke from horrible dreams, puzzling over the nature of whatever spell kept it so pristine warded off darker thoughts of evil wizards and the rising war.

Of course Potter still wrote to her constantly, likely even more than he had the summer before. She pitied his owl who she discovered was named Circe in one of his letters. She suspected the poor thing made continual round trips between her house and his. Despite that, she was a jovial bird, fond of fluttering about Lily's cramped room and preening herself on the desk.

The owl's company made Lily feel a little less lonely, so she took to writing a few sentences as slowly as possible to stall her feathered companion. In between every word, she'd lay her quill down to stroke Circe's feathers. What she wrote to James wasn't much, just simple condescending notes like "That sounds like a terrible idea, Potter," and "You _arch _you wand, not jab it," but his responses were always ecstatic.

She might have once felt guilty about leading him on but as he had demolished the one friendship she had in her muggle town, she figured she needn't bother herself over it too much.

In early July, Lily caught a glimpse of a news article in the local muggle paper. "Mysterious Deaths" the article read, and once her parents had cleared out of the kitchen, she swiped up the paper and absorbed the words off the page with a sinking heart.

Two young men in their early twenties had turned up dead in the streets of a small muggle town. Despite the fact that surrounding trash bins were mysteriously demolished and the brick fence lining the lane was gouged with punctures, the men were unmarked.

The article stayed with Lily for days and inevitably her thoughts turned to Severus. He was just a few years away from joining struggles like the one that likely took place in the streets of that muggle town. In duels like that, it wasn't uncommon for someone to lose their lives.

Severus was exceptionally talented, terribly skilled, and alarmingly ruthless. But those facts didn't quell the dread pooling in her stomach. Because if Severus wasn't the victim, he was the murderer, and that thought didn't quell the riot in her heart.

Where she had earlier tried diligently to distract herself from her dark haired neighbor with meaningless busywork, she slowly digressed into laying listlessly in bed and trying to imagine where he was, what he was doing, and whether he had already met the ever more powerful Dark Lord.

Without her company, he was far likelier to get himself into that sort of trouble. She knew well enough by now to understand that she couldn't stop him, but maybe her presence in his life at least _delayed_ him from jumping to recruitment as early as possible.

It was that thought that finally pushed her out the door.

She told herself that going down to the river wasn't all to do with him. She neededsome wild mushrooms and cat tails for her potion stores and besides, she was getting cabin fever locked up in her house. There were plenty of reasons for her to be strolling along the river banks. She didn't need to explain herself.

But as she briskly walked the three streets over to the river, her skin bristled with anticipation.

She had no doubt in her mind that Severus would be in their clearing, impatiently waiting for her to make an appearance. They had spent a good portion of every summer in the shade of those trees. In fact, it was _his _spot to begin with so why shouldn't he be there? And surely he knew she'd eventually show up. Wouldn't he if their positions were reversed?

He would be waiting for her there, she was sure of it.

Her heart began to race as soon as she jumped the stone fence along the street and delved into the thin woods bordering the river. The path was so familiar to her she could walk it in her sleep. Her fists clenched in her t-shirt and she suddenly felt self conscious.

The moment she had decided to see Severus, she practically bolted out of the house. She hadn't stopped to consider what she looked like. She knew her hair was a tangled mess from sleeping fitfully and she was wearing the same clothes she had worn the day before. She hadn't seen Severus for more than a month and she didn't want to give away how miserable she'd been without him just by her appearance.

But she was too far now to turn around.

She held her breath while she tugged back the low hanging branches surrounding their clearing and unceremoniously stumbled into the small dry grassy field.

But Severus wasn't there.

Disappointment was crushing but she willed it down. Of course, he wasn't here. It was barely past noon. Severus wouldn't have gone to sleep until dawn. He was probably sleeping in. She adamantly told herself that he was bound to show up later and settled herself down to wait.

Lily reclined herself in the scratchy grass and nonchalantly studied the clouds. She wanted to strike an impressively indifferent figure when Severus finally appeared.

But as the intense summer sun arched across the sky and finally dipped below the horizon, she began to doubt. Maybe he didn't miss her the way she missed him. After all, why would he? He was above her dirty blood, and now that he had pureblood companions, he was no longer in need of her. And if her company meant nothing to him, then there was no way she could deter his decent into the darkness.

Tears blurred her vision as the first stars came out.

After that, spending time at her home was even worse. Lily had been minimally happy thinking she was the one in control of the situation, but once it became clear to her she wasn't, the empty hours of the day felt longer.

She took long walks around town, skirting the edges of Spinner's End, desperate to catch some glimpse of Severus, but he never showed his gawky figure.

As July faded into August, her anxiety transformed into anger, and as Severus was yet to make an appearance, she took out her anger on the person she began to deem responsible for her misery: James Potter.

It was one particular letter that set Lily off. She scowled over the page as she read his elegant, slanted writing:

Evans-

As our relationship has developed into something more cordial, I'd like to formally inquire whether you'd like to meet me in Diagon Alley to purchase the coming school term's supplies. Of course Remus, Sirius and Peter would be there to chaperone, but should you feel inclined, I know an excellent hide-away down Knockturn Alley should we desire some _private _time.

I eagerly await your response.

-James Potter

While she read over the letter a second time, she stroked Circe's head and frowned.

So Potter thought their relationship was cordial, did he? Lily hardly felt the same, though she did acknowledge that her more frequent correspondence likely gave him the wrong impression. But even so, just because she wrote back a sentence or two didn't mean she wanted to date the dumb bastard.

Feeling hot and agitated, she ripped the empty bottom half of his parchment off and scratched out a response. She didn't even bother addressing him by name.

'The only reason I write you is to spend more time with your owl.'

She attached it to Circe's outstretched foot and watched as she and the brief letter flew into the horizon.

The next morning as Lily lay in bed morosely putting off getting up and dressed, she wondered if her response was a little harsh, however she didn't dwell on it long and once again, her thoughts strayed to Severus.

Had he been holed up all summer in the house on Spinner's End? Had his awful father reappeared or was he alone in that dusty old place? Should she walk past his house tonight and see if his window was lit? But what if he caught her loitering about his house? That would be mortifying. She was the one who distanced herself from him in the first place. It would be weak of her to be seen staring up at his window like some lost child.

But she was dying to catch a glimpse of him. With more certainty everyday, she mulled over the likelihood that Severus was traveling down a path that would lead to heartache; if not his own then hers. It always stung to see him suffer, and joining the legions of Death Eaters mean being bound to a life of cruelty. And she couldn't stand to watch him fall.

No. She just had to let him go. If only it was so simple.

* * *

><p>A few lazy days passed and James was uncharacteristically silent. Distantly Lily wondered if she'd finally managed to damage his ego enough to hold him off, but she highly doubted it. She'd said and done much worse in the past with the intention of being rid of him but he persevered.<p>

After a week of silence, she finally allowed herself to consider the chance that he wouldn't write back. The only regret that came with that thought was the fact that she would miss Circe's sporadic, feathery company. She'd had come to be the only link between the wizarding world and the dreary house in Cokeworth, and without her, Lily felt disconnected and alone.

Despite her numerous worries, she buried her anxiety in front of her parents. At night she sat amiably with her father watching television and during the day, she ran errands for her mother. It was one particularly memorable afternoon that she ran out the door to buy some milk from the corner store and collided with a lanky figure on her doorstep.

"Evans! So this is the right place!" James' smiling face was alight as he took in the familiar freckled face and red hair. "Why is it that muggles build their houses to look alike? It's terribly hard to find the one you want."

Lily was shocked into temporary silence and the front door swung open into the hall in her daze. "What..." She glanced behind her into her distinctly muggle foyer and back to the grinning bespectacled boy in front of her. The two would not connect no matter how furiously her brain chugged at it. "What are you doing here Potter?!" she asked somewhat stupidly, her mind racing to work out an explanation. "How do you know where I live?" she added, sounding alarmed.

James beamed even wider and held up a little scrap of paper with her address on it. "I used the muggle post last year, remember. Moony helped me figure out transportation."

Lily mentally cursed Remus and his ridiculous meddling. She'd have to have a very _loud_ conversation with him on the Hogwarts Express, but that wouldn't solve her problem now.

Speaking of which, standing on her porch, James looked surprisingly passable as a muggle. He wore a simple t-shirt and jeans, and wherever he kept his wand, it was out of sight, though knowing him, it was still near at hand. The only strange thing about his appearance was a large wicker basket draped over his arm.

"Lily dear, is this your friend?"

Her mother's voice behind her startled Lily from her confusion as Mrs. Evans came to join them on the front stoop. "Ah..." was all Lily got out, searching for some sort of answer, but James spoke over her uncertainty.

"Hello, Mrs. Evans, don't you look lovely today!" Lily rolled her eyes and sighed. She had found familiar territory. Frustration. "Yes, my name is James Potter. Maybe you remember, I introduced myself at the beginning of the summer," he held out his hand to her and Lily was appalled to she her mother's cheeks color slightly as she wiped her hands on her apron and took James' outstretched fingers.

"Lily, you didn't tell me you were expecting a guest..."

"I wasn't," Lily answered, narrowing her eyes at James.

But he only grinned as he addressed Lily's mother behind his hand, "That's because I wanted it to be a _surprise_." He dramatically winked and gestured to the basket over his arm while Lily blanched.

Mrs. Evans broke into a grin and stepped back into the hall. "Well then come in, come in! Lily, take James into the sitting room. I'll whip up some tea." She happily bustled away leaving her daughter looking distraught in the entrance way.

"What about the milk?" Lily asked, hopeful to find a way out.

"Nonsense dear, that can wait. I'll have your father fetch it once he's home," she called from the kitchen.

Lily turned to find a euphoric Potter grinning down at her. "Lead away," he said waggling his eyebrows at her. She wrinkled her nose at him and gracelessly trudged into the sitting room.

Potter immediately set to pacing the room, stooping to take in every photo and nick-knack lining the shelves while Lily stood with arms crossed in the doorway. "What are you doing here, Potter," she asked again in a stern whisper.

"I told you, it's a surprise," he answered, picking up a frame from the coffee table. "Is this your sister?" he asked, flashing the photo in her direction. The Lily and Petunia had their arms around each other, both grinning up at the camera. It was taken before Lily got her letter.

"Yes," Lily answered tersely, storming across the room to grab the photo from James' hands and place it back on the table. "I don't like your type of surprises, Potter. Especially not in my _muggle_ neighborhood. So spill it."

"Oh Evans," he said endearingly, ruffling a hand through his hair, "I'm sure you'll like this one. Trust me." Lily picked up a throw cushion to chuck at his head but at that moment her mother entered the room with a tray of tea and Lily hastily made like she was fluffing the pillows instead of plotting to use them against their guest. The telling smirk that lifted James' lips made it much more challenging to look convincing.

"So, James, what brings you to our little neck of the woods," Mrs. Evans asked while she poured a cup of tea. Lily bristled as James seated himself across from her mother, gently arranging the basket onto his lap and looking every bit the perfect gentlemen.

He took the offered cup and grinned up at Lily. "Well, you see I found something I think Lily would like very much, so I rushed over to give it to her."

Lily scowled as he called her by her first name and grumpily seated herself next to her mother. "That wasn't necessary," Lily stated, and her mother smiled a bit at her daughter's rough behavior. She had never seen her daughter act so stand-offish and it was mightily entertaining to her.

"Don't say that before you've seen it," James answered undeterred. He held the basked out over the table and reluctantly, Lily reached out to take it from him.

The basket was surprisingly light, but as she drew it closer to her, it unmistakably wobbled. She glanced up to Potter's eager face and stalled a moment. Her mother was peering over the basket as well, and should some terrible curse or magical item jump out, the two of them would likely get a face full of it, but without any tactful way of questioning James' intentions, she just had to trust that James _probably _wasn't out to injure her.

She gently unclasped the top and cracked it open an inch expecting the worst. When nothing came flying out at her, she slowly raised the lid.

Lily and her mother's eyebrows both disappearing into their hairlines as they peered down at the gray kitten dolefully gazing up at them from the blanketed bottom of the basket.

Lily's heart jumped. Her mother had given out a happy little gasp but Lily only distantly heart it as she slowly reached down to pick up the furry little creature and hold it eye level to herself.

The cat let out the tiniest little mew in greeting and Lily was done for. Was it possible to instantly love something _so_ much? She cradled it to her chest and reluctantly her eyes drifted up to James.

For just a moment, she caught the most tender look she'd ever seen playing across his features, before he grinned coyly and raised an eyebrow.

"You got me a cat?" Lily asked disbelievingly, still shocked and a little worried there was some ungodly catch. If he thought he could take this thing back after showing it to her, he had another thing coming. Muggle home or not, she'd hex him to oblivion if he tried.

"My neighbor's cat had kittens with a kneazle, and this little guy was the last to find a home. When you mentioned how much you liked my owl, I thought you might finally like to take up on that 'cat, owl or toad' deal, and I suppose you always struck me as a cat person."

"Sorry to interrupt dear, but what's a kneazle?" Mrs. Evans asked Potter but Lily wasn't paying attention. She was too busy studying the kitten in her arms. He had long puffy gray fur and blue eyes that looked up into hers intelligently. As she stroked the skin between his ears, his eyes closed sleepily and he began to purr contentedly.

"Told you you'd like it." James broke her out of her reverie and she glanced up, suddenly realizing she was grinning rather stupidly and two sets of eyes were glued on her.

Her smile faltered, but her mother was looking at her expectantly. "Thank you... James," she said begrudgingly, her hand buried in her kitten's fur and he beamed again. At that moment, the front door opened and Mr. Evans called out a greeting.

"Oh, but you'll have to stay for dinner, James," Mrs. Evans said. James locked eyes on Lily and behind her mother's back was she temped to shake her head but with the tiny body warming her lap, she only shrugged and Potter enthusiastically nodded his assent.

The family dinner that night was unusual to say the least. Mr. Evans took to James surprisingly well. Lily was shocked to learn that Potter, despite his wizardly roots, knew quite a bit about muggle football (Lily suspected Sirius' doing), and once the two men began discussing it, Mr. Evans warmed up to the unexpected company.

Throughout all of dinner, the small kitten contentedly purred from Lily's lap and his small warm weight on her legs shot streams of contentedness through her body. She wasn't exactly happy that James had showed up out of the blue, but he had made up for his unannounced arrival with his gift.

She was jolted out of her happy musings by an alarming swerve in the conversation.

"It's so nice to have one of Lily's school friends over. Severus used to visit quite a bit, but we haven't seen much of him lately. Maybe you'll tell us what this falling out business was about..." her mother trailed off hopefully as she set a plate in front of James for dessert and seated herself next to him.

Across the table, Lily's eyes locked on James and she could practically see the cogs in his brain turning. After barely a pause, he grinned his disarming smile while Lily waited with baited breath. "Well, you know Severus. He's always been a little... touchy. I guess he just didn't appreciate the friend he had in Lily."

Mrs. Evans pouted and 'hmphed' while Lily released a breath and averted her gaze from James' knowing look.

Once biscuits were served and James had helped dry the dishes, her parents suggested she walk James back into town to catch the bus. She begrudgingly dropped her sleeping kitten off in her bedroom before catching the tail end of her parents warm farewell to Potter. They even waved them off from the front stoop until they turned the corner.

"Uncanny, Potter," Lily stated aloud, pleased to finally call him by his last name again. He was strolling next to her with his hands in his pockets, the image of nonchalance. The summer night was warm and with thoughts of a new friend back at home, Lily was surprised to find herself so content with his company.

"What is, Evans," he returned cheerily.

"Your ability to charm the people you want to impress." She watched his face stretch into a grin out of the corner of her eye. "It's terrifying really."

"Well it doesn't work on everyone," he shrugged while he ran his hand through his hair again. With a lopsided smile in her direction he added, "It's never worked on you after all, and believe me, with you I'm _trying_."

"Well I wish you wouldn't," she answered back sharply, but her thoughts drifted to fuzzy lump awaiting her return and she turned soft. "Well, except for the cat. I'm glad about the cat."

James laughed. "That's good enough for now." She rolled her eyes and he laughed again.

"How did you even get all the way out here?" Lily asked, realizing for the first time that her parents had simply assumed he'd taken the bus. For all she knew, he'd flown all the way on his broom, though he didn't seem to be carrying it and he was too young to perform magic outside school.

"I flooed. My dad's friend lives a town over and I took a bus from there." She raised her eyebrows at him appraising. It was hard to imagine the wealthy pureblood riding the bus. Guessing at her look he elaborated. "That was a first for me. Is there a reason it smells like a toilet?"

Against her will, Lily snorted. "I dare say I don't want to know the reason," she answered with a chuckle and next to her James squared his shoulders, proud to finally elicit a laugh. "Such is simply the way with public transport-" but she was cut short as a hand landed heavily on her shoulder and violently spun her around.

In the dim light of the few streetlight of her rural street, a distantly familiar face was staring back at her, though the shock of the incident and the out-of-placeness of it slowed her recognition.

Two angry dark eyes looked down on her over a hooked nose, but it was the stench of alcohol polluting the air in front of her that triggered understanding.

Tobias Snape was glaring down at her, his club of a hand tightly gripping her shoulder in a way she knew meant no good.

At least 6 feet tall and built sturdy from years of hard labor, Tobias was an intimidating man. His forearms were easily the size of Lily's thighs and the fury in his black eyes burned holes into her.

Next to her James had drawn his wand and was shamelessly pointing it at Tobias' chest. "Hands off, old man," he growled as he took a half step in front of Lily, but Tobias didn't budge.

"Don't be pointin' that thing at me, you little shit," he answered, hardly sparing a glance at James and his wand. "Can't use it outside school, after all."

James frowned in front of her and Lily regained enough of her senses to try and defuse the situation before the Ministry would have to be called in.

"It's been a while, _Mr. Snape,_" accenting the name for Potter's sake, and sure enough the familiarity of it made him stiffen. With an uncertain glance a Lily, he lowered his wand a fraction as he turned a curious look in the grown man's direction.

Tobias took that moment to brush James aside and grab Lily by both her shoulders. He shook her while he spit into her face, "Where you been hidin' him, you little hussy?"

She could feel the formation of bruises under his fingers but her wince turned into snarl. "What are you talking about?!" Long ago she'd learned to never venture within grabbing distance of Severus' father and she was regretting giving him an opportunity. But despite the adrenaline suddenly pumping through her veins, her mind latched onto his words and worked desperately to understand them.

"I know it's you who takes 'im in like some bleeding stray, and I'm tellin' you, send 'im home or I'll come get 'im myself!"

So it _was_ about Severus. She was worried it would be. And from the sounds of it, he hadn't been home in a while. Another rough shake prompted her to speak, "I haven't seen him all summer, but I couldn't imagine why he'd leave..." the moment it crossed her lips she knew she should have kept her sass to herself.

Tobias released his grip on her arms only to bring his hand up to strike her. But before the blow could land, a hand wrapped around his wrist, yanking him backwards. Before he could react to spinning around, James punched him clear across the jaw and Tobias landed heavily on the pavement.

Shocked, Lily stared dumbly down at the grown man struggling to his feet before she snapped to her senses. While Tobias worked hard against the combined weight of alcohol and gravity to right himself, she turned to Potter and grabbed his arm.

"James, come on," she whispered and for a moment he resisted her tugging but when she lowered her grip to his hand, he turned and sprinted with her down the lane.

Gradually the streets brightened as they skirted the more populated downtown area and streetlamps became more prevalent but Lily tugged James into an alleyway where they crouched together behind a rubbish bin panting.

Lily peered around the bin, studying the opening of the alleyway for signs of Tobias but no one had followed them. As her heartbeat slowed, she mulled over what Tobias had said. Where could Severus have even gone? Perhaps a school friend took him in? Surely he wouldn't live on the streets all summer, and if he was, she would have run into him by now. Her heart ached as she wondered whether he would have come to her if she hadn't turned down his apology months ago.

"Lovely family, eh, the Snapes?" James started, cradling his fist in his hand but he paused for a moment under Lily's stern look. "Has Mr. Snape been so friendly with you before?" he asked, returning Lily's hard look.

Her gaze dropped to his fist and she pulled it towards her, studying the bleeding skin and prodding at the knuckles gently with her fingertips. "Only once. Tobias caught me in their backyard when I was twelve. He called me a bunch of horrible things and slapped me so hard my lip split. If it hadn't been for..." she trailed off a moment looking morose before starting up again. "I barely got away with just the slap."

James looked horrified but Lily only shrugged and handed James' limp hand back to him. "Your knuckles look a bit banged up. Magic'll fix 'em up fast, though. Best to get you home. " She appraised him for a moment before continuing. "I can't believe you punched him." She never thought she'd be glad to see someone get clocked across the jaw, but if anyone deserved it, it was Tobias Snape.

"I've never done that before either," he admitted in a rather shocked voice.

"Well then, today is just a day of firsts for you, isn't it."

Lily turned from him and crept to the entrance of the alleyway. Looking both ways down the street, Tobias was nowhere in sight and there were enough other pedestrians lining the way that she figured another scene was unlikely. Before she could lead the way down the street, James came up to her and bared her path to the street.

In the streetlight filtering down on them, he studied the dark splotches blooming on her upper arms and frowned. "You'll have bruises."

For some reason, the sentiment angered her. Her mind was racing over what could have possibly spurred Severus out of his house for long enough to worry Tobias and Potter was upset over a few bruises? "I've seen worse," she answered tersely and his gaze snapped up to hers. In the dim light she watched an array of emotions play across James' face, and momentarily, he looked much older than the young foolish man he really was.

"I..." he scowled and looked down at his feet. "I didn't know," he stated, almost apologetically, but Lily pulled out of his grasp, striding down the street towards the bus stop leaving James to catch up after her.

"Of course you didn't. You never bother with that, do you?" James looked sheepish as he fell into pace besides her.

James' downcast eyes pulled Lily short of her lecture. "And I thought Padfoot's folks were bad..." he trailed off to himself, but Lily's angry eyes landed on him again.

"You will not tell anyone about what happened today, especially not Black," she demanded and James hastily nodded. "And _never_ Severus," she added, regretting that she had to speak his name. It had been months since those syllables passed her lips and the feel of them inside her mouth burned.

"Never," James vowed solemnly as the two approached the covered bench that marked the bus stop but he suddenly pulled up short. "Evans, I think after recent events it would be better if _I _walked _you _home. What if he's waiting to waylay you on the way back?"

Lily calmly regarded him. "I'll be fine. This is my neighborhood. I know a million roundabout ways to get home." At James' unbelieving look, she continued, "Besides, he smelled like a walking bottle of whiskey. He's probably passed out by now. And if..." she continued over James as he opened his mouth to speak, "...if by some incredibly unlikely chance we do run into each other, I have my wand." She pulled her willow wand from the waistband of her shorts. "I am, after all, a witch. And it would be worth the trouble to hex that man."

James looked the skinny red head over. In her cut-off shorts and airy summer blouse, she didn't look like much of a fighter but James knew by now the temper that burned under her freckled skin. She had turned it against him often enough.

"I still think I'll see you home myself," James stated, crossing his arms as if that put an end to the conversation.

"No, you won't. There's your bus coming up the lane anyways," she pointed down the road and sure enough, the cheery white vehicle had just rounded the bend. "I'm seeing you onto it."

"Evans..."

"Potter..."

They glared at each other evenly as the bus rumbled down the lane.

"..._Fine_," James relented exasperated. "But you have to respond _immediately _to the letter I write when I get home." She shrugged her consent. "_And_ it has to be at least a parchment long. If not, I'll come round to visit every weekend till the end of summer."

Lily groaned and shoved him towards the curb, "Fine. It's a deal. Now you know where you're getting off, right?"

"Yeah, I've got this, Evans. I ride buses and throw punches. I'm a pro at this muggle stuff," James answered cockily and Lily rolled her eyes.

The bus pulled up besides them and the door swung open but before James could step all the way in, Lily grabbed the sleeve of his t-shirt.

"Thanks again... for the cat... and for helping me tonight. It wasn't an _entirely_ unpleasant evening, but don't take that to heart." With that she released his sleeve and darted away, turning down an alley and disappearing from sight.

James stood with one foot in the bus and watched her leave.


	9. Faltering

1976

There was something about the sound of a single set of footsteps echoing in an empty corridor that made Lily feel home at last. A month into the new semester and she was finally beginning to fall back into step with the magical world after a summer so apart from it.

She tried not to dwell on it, but the summer had been one of the worst of her life. Without Severus' company, Cokeworth was depressingly lonely and after the run in with his father, it got unimaginably worse as she had found it impossible not to wonder where her ex-best friend found sanctuary. The only thing _more_ terrible was picturing in what state he had needed to seek out that sanctuary.

But when he slinked onto to platform 9 ¾ accompanied by haughty Seth Mulciber, it wasn't terribly hard to guess.

Whatever sprawling, decrepit mansion Mulciber lived in must have suited Severus' bill quite nicely. Perhaps, she thought with a painful twinge, it suited him better than their muggle neighborhood ever had. More disturbing was the thought that maybe she had been the only one who hadn't guessed at that ages ago.

Though Lily made a point to never look upon the lanky dark haired boy she once knew so well, the few glances she stole of him were not of the person she remembered.

She had once considered herself an expert on the limited array of muted expressions Severus allowed to play across his face, and the one he wore most frequently now was one she'd never liked to see. It was a mix of anger and haughtiness that scrunched up his nose and raked up his eyebrows, and since he had grown yet another inch or two over the summer, the whole look created the effect that he was sneering down his nose at everyone. With a sigh, Lily acknowledged that was likely exactly what he was doing.

And for the first time since she traveled the halls of Hogwarts, she never _ever_ felt his gaze upon her. Not in the Great Hall where he lounged with Mulciber and Avery, not in the few classes they shared where they no longer bridged the stark divide between Gryffindor and Slytherin, and not on the rare occasions they crossed paths in the halls. His eyes would pass over her vacantly, like she was nothing but thin air.

Over the three months of the summer, their relationship had ended, apparently for good. She was a ghost to him, maybe even less, and while part of her was relieved she didn't have to harden herself to any apologies, the majority of her felt lost without his companionship, without his acknowledgment.

She had steadied herself against his hardness for so long that she wavered without his support.

If it weren't for Lumpy (the name she had assigned the gray kitten Potter had brought her – mostly chosen in protest of the wizarding custom of naming pets outrageously pretentious names - apparently much to James' delight) she was sure she would of died of loneliness locked up in her house for the rest of the summer. He had been a great comfort in Cokeworth and now she treasured him even more. Every night, when she climbed into her four poster bed and finally allowed the despair at her lost friendship to wash over her, his warm little body cuddled up next to her made her feel less alone and his gentle purrs lulled her hectic mind into peaceful sleep.

Potter was a bit of a mystery himself. He had changed over the summer as well, nearly as much as Severus, but in a far more amiable direction. Once he had seemed to Lily no more than an arrogant, haughty bully, but now his hardheadedness was mixed with moments of softness and at times, he even seemed humble.

He had found her at Platform 9 ¾, greeted her parents as if they were old friends, and escorted her to a compartment, pulling her hefty trunk for her. He had always played chivalrous around her, but it had developed into a habit, and now that she spent more time around Gryffindor haunts, his companionship was almost constant.

He saved her a seat at mealtimes, whispered jokes to her during classes, and devotedly played with Lumpy every night in front of the fire. Perhaps strangest of all was Lily's new found tolerance of it all. She even occasionally laughed at his antics.

Somehow the fight had gone out of her, and since technically Potter was far better behaved, she told herself it didn't matter if she hadn't insulted him properly in weeks, or if a part of her looked for his smiling face at breakfast. He wasn't tormenting other students anymore, least ways not publicly, and she was beginning to realize she really was no match for the endless energy he directed in her direction.

Skirting around the second stairwell up from the dungeons, a well known hangout of Peeves at this late hour, she carefully made her way back to the dorms. If she ran into a prefect, it'd be easy to talk herself out of trouble, especially since Slughorn would always get her off the hook for these late night trips, but Filch would likely try to put up a fight, and Peeves would definitely rouse the whole castle if he saw a lone student at night.

But those worries were small and she smiled as she mulled over her evening with her favorite professor.

Lily knew well enough that most of the other students only grudgingly put up with Professor Slughorn, even those who most ardently worked to be on his good side, but Lily quite liked the old man. He was funny and surprisingly clever, even if he did have a penchant for favoritism. Besides, it was easy to forgive him those faults when she seemed to be the apple of his eye.

To her, Slughorn was the complementary, overindulgent uncle that she never had, and as she began to plan for the future, he was surprisingly encouraging when she confided in him her thoughts of becoming a healer. He even offered to introduce her to some healers by way of his ever connected social web. She had stayed after her Friday evening N.E.W.T. class so that he could put her in touch with a previous student, now working at St. Mungo's.

Evenings with Slughorn were always a pleasant break from the organized chaos of the common room with the Marauders serving as ring leaders. Slughorn liked to have the house elves bring up special treats just for the two of them and he'd drink a little wine (and slip her a glass with a wink) and tell her riotous stories about faculty and famous people that Lily likely shouldn't know. Other times he'd be very serious and talk to her kindly over the future she envisioned for herself, giving her unusually thoughtful advice.

"You know, with all your _impressive _friends, I never imagined you'd know so many humble healers, Professor," she had jokingly half chided him earlier that evening as she skimmed through the rare medical potions book he mysteriously acquired and far to generously had gifted to her.

"Well my dear, healers are _exactly_ the kind of people you want to know in some binds," he had answered with a wink and went on to tell her the ridiculous story of the time he had gotten mixed up with a hippogriff (Lily imagined to procure pricey potions ingredients) and had to call upon an old friend to fix him up to avoid confrontation with the authorities.

She chuckled to herself as she took the winding stairs out of the dungeon two steps at a time, emerging onto the dimly lit passageway that led to the main stairwell. Lighting her wand, she had only a momentary prickle at the back of her neck before a rough voice called out behind her, "Expelliarmus!" and her wand soared out of her hand and over her shoulder.

She whirled around, half expecting James to have finally given in to his incessant need to tease her, but instead found herself facing Seth Mulciber and Creighton Avery, the last two people on earth she'd hope to find herself facing in a darkened hallway, unarmed.

She tilted her head and shifted her weight into what she hoped was a nonchalant pose.

"What do we have here," sneered Avery in his heavy country accent, the two boys slowly approaching her, Mulciber twirling _her_ wand between his stubby fingers. "A Mudblood out after hours?"

Lily felt her fists tighten at her sides. This was going to be ugly. As her heart started to pound she took a steadying breath, eyes narrowing and concentration focusing. It wasn't the first time she'd been cornered by a blood purist but with her wand already out of her hands, she'd have to _think_ her way out of this one.

"Finally mastered a second year spell, Mulciber?" she responded lightly, trying to ignore the way her extremities tingled as all her blood rushed to her heart, preparing for fight or flight. But flight wasn't an option when two wands were pointed at her in a corridor with no doors.

"I wouldn't say much if I were you," Mulciber responded heavily, anger coloring his wide face. "Mary was pretty mouthy last time we ran into her..." He let that sentence trail of heavily into silence and Lily's face darkened. The bastards had the audacity to gloat about that? She squared her shoulders. Now they definitely weren't walking away unscathed, though the situation was still frightfully one sided.

Avery's leered at her down his thin nose as the two came to a stop a few feet away. She resisted the desire to take a step back, refusing to give them the satisfaction. "Yeah," Avery said picking up Mucliber's trail, "But I 'spect she learned to keep her mouth shut."

Anger boiled up instantaneously and she made to lunge at Mulciber, but before she'd taken a single step, she was pushed back heavily by a spell with the force of a speeding truck. She hit the ground hard, landing on her side and twisting her arm underneath her body rather painfully. She brought a shaking hand up to her throbbing nose and felt something wet.

"Oh look Seth, she's bleeding!"

Somewhat ungracefully sprawled across the hallway floor, she felt immensely venerable. As she forced her aching body to sit up, she self consciously tugged down the hem of her uniform skirt which had risen to her mid thigh. Her cheeks burned as every cell in her body ignited with anger.

She lifted her head up to glare at the two Slytherin's standing over her with matching malicious grins. These two fools thought they could get away with anything. Growing up with Severus as her best friend, she had learned how to handle her fair share of bullies and these two were itching for a taste of her wrath.

"Pity her blood's so filthy though," Mulciber answered darkly. With a casual gesture of his wand goosebumps crept up her skin as the hem of her skirt was pushed back up to reveal her thigh as if by an invisible hand. She scowled but remained silent, patiently observant. She had an advantage here they could never imagine.

"'Spose that doesn't matter for some things though, does it?" Avery added nastily, his beady gaze traveling her body before glancing nervously back to his companion.

"No I suppose not," consented Mulciber. "And now Snape's thrown her out, I don't see why we can't have some fun." They were so sure of their dominant positions, neither were particularly attentive with their wands.

In one quick lash, Lily's tightly coiled muscles snapped out. A swift sweep of her legs and Mulciber came crashing to the ground as she knocked his feet out from under him. Before he had mustered more than a surprised squawk, her fist collided with his nose and a satisfying _crunch_ told her she'd broken it. His hands immediately dropped both wands in favor of clutching at his face.

Avery called out a loud "Oi!" but by the time he had his wand raised at her again, she had snatched hers up from the ground and threw up a shield strong enough to stagger him. Even Mulciber was rolled over with the force of her spell. With a shaking hand she collected Mulciber's discarded wand as well, feeling triumphant.

"You hit me?!" Mulciber's muffled voice wavered.

"Just like a Muggle," Lily panted back haughtily, the blood pounding in her ears as every fiber of being flamed up in anticipation of a duel.

But over the sound of her own heavy breathing and Mulciber's muffled groans, heavy footsteps echoed up the corridor, approaching fast.

Lily whipped her head around ready to curse the living shit out of any Slytherin reporting for back-up but was instead greeted with the familiar lanky form of James Potter, rounding the corner at full speed. Relief flooded through her and she felt every muscle release as she sagged against the floor. She couldn't imagine anyone she would be happier to see, though even in her adrenaline fueled state, she mentally frowned at that passing thought.

James' hazel eyes swept over the scene as he came to skidding halt in front of her and she could read comprehension clearly across his features as they morphed from anxiety into boiling fury. Avery had just slipped behind the tapestry concealing the hidden corridor before James flung a curse in his direction. It was so powerful her hair was swept back in a breeze from it's wake.

Just then, Sirius and Lupin ran up behind James followed shortly by Peter, wheezing and gripping his sides. "He went through there," James indicated the tapestry and Sirius and Lupin were off, running past Lily and slipping under the tapestry.

Mulciber stared fearfully over his clasped fingers at James, his thick body beginning to tremble with terror. A glance at James and she could understand his worry. His usual soft hazel eyes were locked on Mulciber with a predatory stare as he raised his wand. "Stupefy," he said, his voice unfamiliar for its hardness, and Mulciber crumpled to the ground.

"Wormtail, take him to the empty classroom down the Potions hallway," James spoke coldly.

Still panting, Peter approached smirking and with a gleeful, "_Levicorpus_," lifted an unconscious Mulciber into the air and guided him down the hall and around the corner.

Lily ran a slightly shaking hand through her hair and mustered up a half smile for James who crouched down beside her, all traces of his earlier unfamiliar hardness replaced with the tender look she was starting to become familiar with.

"Lovely evening," she quipped lightly looking up at him through her lashes, her voice almost steady. As the endorphins dissipated in her blood, she was sensing a sudden and overwhelming need to cry but she fought the sensation back. She didn't want to do that in front of James Potter or anyone else for that matter, so she held it in.

Potter frowned, his face entirely too close as he cupped her face with one hand and used the sleeve of his sweater to wipe the blood from her face. He snorted in response to her statement. "I'd hardly call it that. Jeez Lily, you alright? Anything hurt?" his voice was soft as his long fingers gently prodded her nose but it only dully ached.

"I think I twisted my arm but I dare say I'll live," she answered lifting one eyebrow. This coddling Potter was strange to her but she still had to fight the ridiculous urge to place her hand over his where it cupped her cheek and lean into it. She still felt her relief in every muscle of her body and his oddly affectionate ministrations were too calming to rebuff but she refused to release what little sanity she had left. She firmly kept her right hand grasped on her wounded left arm.

His gaze dropped to her arm and with gentle hands, he took her arm from where she had been cradling it against her chest, his hand gripping the back of hers with her forearm facing up. Before she could protest he lightly dragged his wand down her skin and uttered, "_semet explicare_." A tingling spread from her shoulder to her fingertips and the pulsing pain ebbed away to nothing.

"You know, I could have done that," she said flatly and James' mischievous grin slowly painted itself across his face.

"Yes, but I rather wanted to," he replied jauntily, his hand still holding hers. She wearily rolled her eyes.

Then, strangely, a "_pssst_" sounded from James' pocket in what was unmistakably Sirius' voice. Lily's brow furrowed as Potter reached in and pulled out a compact mirror. Another "_pssst_" sounded before he snapped it open and looked into the small circular mirror resting in his palm.

"Got him," Sirius' voice sounded from the other side of the mirror and curiosity had Lily's hand reach out to spin it around. There reflected in the glass was Sirius' face, his features lit by wand light. Behind him she got a glimpse of Lupin levitating a very disgruntled looking Avery. While she had shamelessly gawked into the little compact, James situated himself next to her.

"Huh," Lily said quietly to herself and she could see Potter study her face and grin out of the corner of her eye. With a raised eyebrow he turned back to the mirror.

"Excellent. Take him to the classroom down the potions hallway. Wormtail's already there. I'll join you in ten," Potter spoke to mirror Sirius who grinned somewhat teasingly.

"Yes, best walk the lady back," he answered very hum-drum. "Perhaps you better tuck her in as well..." he trailed off suggestively but Potter slammed the mirror closed and tucked it soundly back into his pocket.

"What a clever spell," Lily admitted aloud as she allowed James to tug her to her feet. For some reason the self-satisfied look that crossed his features didn't annoy her as much as it used to.

"You like that? Just a little Protean Charm, if you're curious," he bragged.

"You two are impressively inseparable," she answered but he only chuckled in response.

Lily and James slipped up the dungeon stairs on quiet feet. "I couldn't help but notice Mulciber's wonderfully busted nose. What sort of spell did that?" James asked quietly as they both peered around the corner of the entrance way. The coast was clear and they scurried across to the stairs leading to the third floor corridor.

"No spell. He had my wand at the time so I punched him," she answered with a shrug but James had to subdue a fit of incredulous giggles. She frantically shushed him as they ducked into a darkened corridor but found herself grinning as well.

"Oh how dearly I would have liked to see that," James said between chuckles as he composed himself. "You're _tiny_ compared to that hulking ape!"

"Hey," she chided him, somewhat affronted. "You may have thrown you're first punch this summer but _I've_ been decking overwrought bullied for years now," she said pointedly. "I didn't always have spells and magic to keep me safe."

His laughing died down as he looked at her curiously but she was distracted whispering the password, "_bonum vinum,_" to the Fat Lady.

They climbed through the portrait hole together and once again they stopped to face each other at the foot of the stairs.

"I think this is becoming a habit of ours," James said suggestively, a hand shooting up to tousle his hair "Maybe tonight we can upgrade to a kiss."

Lily arched her eyebrow disbelievingly. "Not likely. And so you know, I could've managed myself," she said, sounding a little angrier than she'd meant. She was gaining the upper hand by the time James came around the corner, even if she had been painfully relieved to see him and the Marauders show up for support.

James held his hands up in supplication. "I know, I know. That shield charm you threw tripped me up from halfway down the corridor." She appraised him carefully with her arms folded across her chest. "But you know, part of being friends is helping each other out every once in a while..." he trailed off suddenly, looking away shyly. "I guess I figured we were friends now..."

Lily sighed heavily and let her arms drop. "Friends generally don't ask for payment by way of kisses," Lily deadpanned and James had the audacity to blush, even while he smirked. "Unless there's something more going on between you and Sirius than I know about."

James outright laughed at that, shacking his head. His eyes were unusually bright when they met hers.

As his laughing died down, his face turned serious again. "Listen, I'm not sure how you want to handle this, but the decisions up to you. If you'd like I could take _those two_ to McGonagall..." he trailed off, Lily easily catching on to his implication. She could turn Mulciber and Avery over to the proper school authorities to be punished by Dumbledore and their Heads of House, or she could allow the Marauders to seek more immediate retribution.

She thought that over quietly.

Letting a pack of rowdy teenagers punish her attackers seemed like the '_wrong_' thing to do but with a frown, her thoughts drifted to Mary.

She'd been found one night, utterly confused and the victim of a heavy handed Memory Charm. Mulciber and Avery were brought in having been spotted harassing her by a terrified Hufflepuff. The two claimed they had only used her to practice Memory Charms and there was no way to prove otherwise short of breaking the spell on her mind. After a heated discussion, Dumbledore and McGonagall had decided some things are better left forgotten.

They had pushed to get the boys expelled but of course a legion of pureblood officiates stepped in. Even though Mary herself was from a long line of magic, the McKinnon's were considered blood traitors and she received little sympathy.

They boys had served detention for the remainder of the year and escaped any _real_ punishment.

Meanwhile Mary, once one of the brightest students in Gryffindor, now had trouble remembering the simplest of lessons and Lily listened to her cry out in fear and pain every night in her sleep.

A somber look came over Lily's face as her emerald eyes took in James' bespectacled face.

"No," she answered slowly but surely. "No, that wouldn't do at all." Her eyes dropped to take in James' lean form, his wand still clutched in his fist, her blood smeared on the cuff of his sweater. "Take care of it, James," she finished, looking back up to his face in time to catch a malicious grin.

She turned sharply to climb up the stairs to bed, feeling his eyes watch her as she ascended the spiral staircase. Before she disappeared out of his view she stopped a moment and without looking back uttered, "Thank you, James," before carrying on up the stairs.

She crept quietly into the sixth year dorm. Alice and Mary were fast asleep, their breathing heavy in the silence. She crawled into her own bed, tugging the curtains closed around her before situating a purring Lumpy in her arms. In the hazy darkness, she could just make out his glinting eyes appraising her quietly from beside her.

He meowed quietly, questioningly, and she rubbed him between his ears, his soft head leaning into her hand.

She fell asleep crying, her fingers tangled in his long gray fur.

* * *

><p>The next morning she woke with a start, violently coming to and sitting straight up with a gasp. Lumpy stared at her silently from where he sat patiently just below her feet, looking for all intents and purposes like he knew exactly how she would wake up. She tussled his cheek fur and groaned as she pulled back the curtains.<p>

It was later in the day than she usually woke up. From the looks of the golden sunshine filtering through the windows, it was nearly noon. The room was empty but Lily was glad for that as she struggled to shake of the unpleasant dreams that had haunted her the night before.

Even now that she was back in school and had clearly seen he'd made it through the summer alive, her nightmares of searching endlessly for Severus continued with a new clarity.

She dressed and readied herself groggily before descending the stairs to the common room, Lumpy dashing on ahead of her. She was surprised to her hear James' good matured "Hey, Lumps," before she reached the bottom step. She suspected that little traitor ran straight for Potter's lap.

Despite the beautiful early autumn sunlight filling the room with light, James, Sirius, Remus and Peter were gathered around a table near the windows pouring over a piece of parchment spread over the table. Except for them the room was empty, everyone else presumably enjoying the gorgeous weather.

Almost as one, four heads turned to face her and James jumped to his feet. His features lit up in smile while his hand shot up to bury itself in his hair. "Good morning Lily!" he greeted her and Lupin chimed in with a quiet, "Hey, Lily."

Movement caught her eye and she spotted Sirius surreptitiously fold up the parchment they had been pouring over and and tuck it into a book. Quickly her eyes darted back to James before Sirius could catch her watching.

"Good afternoon, more likely," she answered, casually approaching their table. She came to stand between where Sirius is seated and James stood hovering next to his chair. The Quidditch book Sirius had tucked the parchment into sat directly in front of her on the table, though she only allowed herself a glance at it. "Was your evening pleasant?" she asked carefully, growing a little concerned as Sirius' unusually sharp incisors are revealed by a wide smile.

She turned back to James who feigned innocence while he seated himself again. "Oh yes, it was most invigorating." Lupin smiled and grimaced at the same time while Peter's breathy laughs permeate the empty common room.

"A productive night, but all accounts," Sirius added, still grinning his mad, wide smile and for a moment Lily almost regretted agreeing to their antics.

Then she remembered two leering faces staring down at her and swiftly brushed her guilt aside.

"You don't think they'll say anything to get you in trouble, do you?" she asked curiously. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Sirius ever so casually slide the Quidditch book to his other side, just out of her reach.

"I doubt they'll be saying much at all for quite some time," Sirius replied smugly and Lily's brow furrowed.

A sudden thought crossed Lily's mind and she leaned against the window casement. She fixed James with a penetrating look but he only seemed please to once again be the focus of her attention. "You know I've been wondering..." She cocked her head slightly. "How did you know?"

"Know what?" James replied innocuously.

"How did you know I was in trouble?" she answered seriously

"Ah, that. Intuition," he responded charmingly, far too pleased with himself.

Her eyes narrowed. "You were charging down the corridor full speed. All of you were." She fixed her gaze on each boy in turn. Sirius smiled lazily, Remus blankly averted his eyes, and Peter was squirming restlessly in his seat. "Do you regularly sprint through the castle on nothing more than a hunch?"

She turned back to James who looked like he was mulling the question over. When a smile started to spread across his face she knew where he would go with this.

"We must be made for each other," he answered mock seriously.

Lily only _hmmm_ed in response, drifting away from the group towards the fireplace where Lumpy had situated himself on an armchair. Those sneaky bastards, she thought to herself. They were hiding something. She could practically hear their collective sigh of relief.

With a sudden realization, she discreetly pointed her wand in their direction and whispered, "_Accio_ _Quidditch Through The Ages_," and turned in time to catch the book hurtling towards her.

As one, the boys jumped up and scampered towards her, Sirius practically vaulting the table to lunge after her but she had leaped over the couch, putting it between herself and James and Sirius. Remus headed off the girl's dormitory stair well so she tugged the piece of parchment out of the book, throwing the thick tome hard at Sirius who caught it against his chest and faltered back onto an armchair.

As she climbed atop a table, she shook the parchment straight before reading aloud, "Messers. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs Purveyors of Aids to Magical Mischief-Makers are proud to present the _Marauder's Map_..." she trailed off as James picked her up over his shoulder and dragged her to the floor, Sirius snatching the map out of her hands indignantly.

Before James had set he back on her own two feet she was already asking, "What is it? A map? A map of what?"

James looked flustered as he straightened his clothes and pushed his round glasses back up the bridge of his nose. "It's nothing," he answered.

"Not for prying eyes," Sirius added over James' shoulder looking affronted. She turned to look at Remus who shrugged in response and she grinned.

"Didn't look like nothing," she answered smartly. "That's what you call each other, isn't it? Moody, Wormtail, Padfoot, and... what was it...?" She put a finger to her chin in thought.

"Prongs!" James answered, upset it was his own name she forgot. The winning smile that spread across Lily's face told him he had played into her hands. He groaned.

"Why don't you just tell her," Remus chimed from behind the group, putting a leading arm around Sirius' shoulder and guiding him back to the table by the window.

"What if she turns it in," Sirius said harshly and from Peter's vehement nods he must have agreed with that sentiment. Remus was beginning to put up an argument but Lily tuned it out as she focused her attention back on James who looked frustrated but bizarrely impressed.

She tuned back into the fight by the window when Sirius remarked, "You don't know that! She's always getting up to trouble with the _unsavory_ sort." She frowned and brushed past James to join them at the table.

"Not anymore," Remus whispered back, glancing nervously over to Lily who had caught his guilty gaze.

"I won't turn it in. Whatever _it_ is. Just last night I requested you do some _highly_ prohibited actives on my behalf so I think it's fair to say I owe you one."

"Then _maybe_ you should drop this," Sirius snarled in her face but she only pouted back in response.

"It's okay Padfoot," James spoke as he approached, a silly grin stretching his face. "Can't fight this girl's stubbornness." She tried to frown at James but found she couldn't keep from smiling as she turned back to the table excitedly. "But you tell no one," he added, catching her eye.

"Yes, sir," she answered seriously, with a smirk of her own.

Remus gently pried the map from Sirius' fingers, and even as the dark haired boy shot out one more furious look, Remus spread open the parchment across the table.

Lines and shapes elegantly laid out took form as understanding dawned on her. "It's Hogwarts!" she said, thrilled.

"Obviously," muttered Sirius under his breath but she continued her study undisturbed.

With her eyes, Lily followed the familiar path from the Entrance Hall to the Gryffindor tower and she spotted at least two passages that she had never seen before along the way.

Sirius huffed above her. "Not just the castle but the grounds and the inhabitants as well," he asserted gruffly. She smiled up at him. He was the least receptive to show her the map and now he was the most determined she recognize them for their genius.

"Inhabitants?" she wondered aloud as she let her finger slide over the wall with the Fat Lady portrait and into the common room where she found five dots. Upon closer inspection, each dot was labeled with a name. 'Peter Pettigrew,' 'Remus Lupin,' 'Sirius Black,' 'James Potter,' and 'Lily Evans.' She recognized Sirius' elegant handwriting forming all their names.

Her mouth had fallen open as she abruptly stood upright to take in the faces of the sixteen-year-old boys standing around her. While they varied in degrees of sheepishness, they all looked very pleased at her reaction. "This is brilliant!"

Unable to keep from it, she returned to studying the map. Far out on the grounds, she could see Hagrid weaving up and down in his garden, likely tending the pumpkins that had begun coming in. She saw Madam Pince seated at her desk in the library, a gaggle of Slytherins lounging in their common room (Lily's heart jolted unexpectedly when her eyes too easily spotted 'Severus Snape'), and Ablbus Dumbledore, pacing in his study.

"Look here," Sirius pointed to the hospital wing and in two adjacent beds the names 'Seth Mulciber' and 'Creighton Avery' sat unmoving. "A bit of our handiwork," he said smugly.

Lily was surprised to find that at some point she had taken a seat, one leg curled under her on the chair so she could lean over the map. The boys too had seated themselves except James who hovered over her looking expectant.

Her eyes darted back to the map, caught by the few long passageways that trailed off the map. She found one under the Whomping Willow and looked up to Lupin. "Is this where you go?" she asked and he nodded. "Where does it lead?"

"The Shrieking Shack," Remus answered tentatively.

"'Cept it's Moony doing all the shrieking," Sirius added with a bark of laughter, basking in the glory of being praised and appreciated. "And this one leads to Honeydukes cellar," he added, pointing to a statue of a one eyed witch.

"You guys did all this?" Lily asked, amazed. There were more secret passages and hidden rooms than Lily had found, and her and Severus did a fair share of sneaking around in their day.

"Well, it took us a few years, but I think we've got most of it," James answered, an unusually shy expression blooming on his face, one that Lily reluctantly admitted she found rather charming.

"But this is amazing," Lily added, still utterly baffled. She knew, just as everyone else in Hogwarts did, that the four boys in front of her comprised of some of the most brilliant minds in school, but she had never imagined that they used their incredible intellect for more than playing pranks and fooling around. Admittedly, she was sure this map played a heavy hand in many of their shenanigans but the amount of time, effort, and inventive magic that must have gone into its creation utterly blew her mind.

"You sneaky bastards," she whispered delightfully, almost to herself, reiterating her earlier thought. She heard Remus above her chuckling.

She pulled up suddenly in understanding and fixed a narrow eyed gaze up at James. "This was how you found me last night," she stated more than asked and when his hand darted up to ruffle the back of his head she knew she hit it on the nose. With widening eyes she added, "And this is how you always..." she trailed off sharply clamping her mouth closed before she could finish ..._knew where Severus and I were hiding out_. She swallowed past the lump in her throat and focused on the nervous looking brunette in front of her.

"James spotted you and went tearing out of the dormitory like a madman. Left the rest of us to chase after him," Remus answered when James couldn't quite meet her stare.

"Didn't take much of a guess to know who he was tearing after, the way he always sits over that map with doe eyes," Sirius added snarkily, taking a quick step back to jump out of reach of James' shove.

James' face was scarlet and despite her slight annoyance at having been spied on for who knows how long, she was deeply enjoying watching him look so unsettled. It was so rare an occurrence.

"But how'd you know I was in trouble?"

James thickly cleared his throat before dragging his hazel eyes back up to her face. "Avery, Mulciber, and a dark corridor at night isn't exactly the set up for a fairy tale ending," he answered, his eyes unsure as they searched hers.

"No," Lily responded darkly, "Definitely not." After a moment of silence she shrugged and continued on lightly, "But I guess I owe you another thanks for looking out for me, even if it is a little..."

"Creepy," Sirius suggested.

"Alarming," Remus supplied.

"Stalker-ish," Peter added.

"...Strange," Lily finished with a grin.

A small purely happy smile curled up the corners of James' lips when he replied, "It's _always_ my pleasure."


End file.
